Attempt #114 - 'Pint on Punt'

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When? – 13/09/2012

Where? – Pint on Punt, 42 Punt Rd, Windsor

Price? - $18.90 normally, $12 on Thursdays when you buy a drink, $2.50 extra for Aussie or Mexican

Website? - http://pintonpunt.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Janet, Lee, Luke, Nikki, Stefo[/info]

**EDIT - The Pint on Punt has closed its doors, this review is no longer valid - Word has it there's a new pub opening in its place that will have a parma on the menu ... will do our best to check it out once available!

I just found this picture of a quokka with a leaf.

Look at him! Cheeky rascal.

He’s so damn happy with himself!

Whenever I see a quokka I think about those little charity things they have in Red Rooster (although they’re probably gone now, I haven’t set foot in a Red Rooster since they got with the program and adopted Drive-Through).

You’d put in a coin and it would travel down to the picture of a quokka, hit a switch and a little quokka joey would poke its head out of the pouch. Lord, I must’ve put ten grand of my mother’s spare change into that thing!

Hm, gotten off topic, It’s okay I can save this. Quokkas … Red Rooster … Chicken … Chicken Parmas!

One thing I have noticed as the parma hunt has continued this year has been the ever so slowly rising price of the heavenly dish. When things started out a parma between $10 and $15 was the norm, but as time has moved on the price of the parma has risen!

$18 became the norm, then $20, these days we are hovering around a $21/$22 average, with our most expensive tipping the scales at $28.

This just wont do!

So this week I set out to find a cheap parma, a risk as “cheap” usually means “cheap and nasty’” but none the less I logged onto the The Happiest Hour and tracked down a parma special that not only looked decent, but was easy on the wallet as well… The Pint on Punt

We arrived at the Pint on Punt, ordered some drinks and took a seat in the bistro out the back. Classic Irish pub fare, lots of dark stained wood, green carpet, open fires and a heap of crap nailed to the walls that look like it came off a farm - you know the drill. Being a backpackers as well as a pub also gives it a fun atmosphere, I don’t think I heard an Aussie accent while I was in there, Including from the bar staff.

When we sat we realised we had stuffed up - the $12 deal only applies if you order a drink at the same time you order your parma.

We finished our first drinks as latecomer Reviewer Luke arrived. He went to the bar to get a drink, ordered it, turned around and saw we were also ordering so he said “oh can I also order a parma”, the order was put through but as the drink and the parma weren’t in the same transaction he had to pay full price. A bit harsh, I’ve gotta say.

We sat down, spoke for literally 3 minutes and the first parma emerged from the kitchen. Speed does not bode well when it comes to parmas, the old addage ‘good food takes time to prepare’ is more than apt. They must be pre-cooked we all thought. So with great trepidation, we dug in.

Quite surprisingly, it was good! The chicken breast, while a little small on circumference, was as thick as a … I can’t think of anything to compare it with, but it was damn thick. Check the ParmaCam, I made sure to rotate the parma a lot so the thickness would show up.

It didn’t taste pre-cooked either, our hypothesis being that as it’s Parma Night the chef can always afford to have some breasts cooking and they won’t go to waste. A great strategy.

The napoli was chunky with plenty of flavour, the ham was thick and smokey and the cheese did its job without much fuss. For a full priced parma, it was okay. For a cheap Parma Night parma, it was damn good.

[youtube id="2wWNoiYLfWY" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were standard, nothing to write home about yet nothing offensive, In need of a shake of salt and the bottle of sauce that was brought to the table with our meal was definitely appreciated.

The salad, in a seperate bowl, was quite tasty. Standard garden salad with a creamy mustard dressing that really made the dish. Quite a lot of tomato for me, but I’m not a fan of raw tomato, I’m sure others would have greatly enjoyed.

Like I said, at full price this is an okay parma, not bad but definitely nothing to write home about. Yet at $12 this is quite a gem, especially on a Thursday night when parma nights are hard to come buy (they are usually a Tuesday or Wednesday kinda deal).

The pub was warm and cosy on a cold Melbourne night, I’d be happy to travel 5 or 10 minutes out of my way to get this again, I’d also be keen to try the Aussie and Mexican varieties, they sounded scrumptious.

I probably wouldn’t go back for a full price parma, but I’d definitely try it again on a Thursday night, coupled with many more pints at the Pint on Punt.

Parma - 6.92

Chips - 5.83

Salad - 6.67

Value - 7.17

Total - 6.7

The search continues…

Attempt #113 - 'Tin Roof Cafe'

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When? – 06/09/2012

Where? – Tin Roof Cafe, 338 Keilor Road, Niddrie

Price? - $20.00

Website? - None

Reviewers – Cale, Fridge, Lee, Ness, Stefo[/info]

Your what?!

Tiiiiiiin Roof! … Rusted.

Love shack… Baby love shack…

Every week we load up the parma bus and drive somewhere in Melbourne to try a new parma - but some weeks the Parma Bus just doesn’t feel up to it, sometimes he needs a rest, and on those weeks we choose a parma as local to the review team as we can get. Hence the Tin Roof!

Tin Roof never really registered to me as a place to have a parma, however a few months back short lived parma review site “The Parmassieur” visited and gave it a review - The review has since disappeared from the interwebs, and I’ve forgotten what it had to say about the place, but since then the Tin Roof stuck out in my head as a place to try. (On a related note, To The Parmassieur - What happened? Your site/twitter/everything disappeared off the internet overnight, I’ve been curious where you went ever since! Tweet, Email or Facebook me and let me know.)

Anyway, we arrived at a fairly quiet Tin Roof and took our seats, we were a group of three and were waiting on two more to arrive. In the meantime we ordered a few beers and some starters. Thats when the service started to get … Pushy.

It’s hard to put my finger on, but we got the distinct feeling that we were being moved along, that the longer we sat in those seats the less people they could herd in and out of the restaurant in a night - and it wasn’t appreciated.

It’s not like we were being rude or even taking up space and not spending - while we waited for the other two reviewers we ordered a round of drinks, a bowl of wedges and a dozen oysters. Even though we told the staff that we were waiting on two more, we were asked if we wanted to order our mains before our starters had even hit the table.

After we told them that we would wait to order our mains until after the rest arrived, the service stopped dead. I must’ve sat with an empty beer for at least ten minutes before we had to wave over a staff member and order another one. Both pushy and inattentive service in the space of twenty minutes, quite a feat!

The sides came out and they were actually quite good, The oysters seemed to go down well with the seafood-eaters and the wedges hit the spot nicely, plenty of sour cream and bacon finished them off nicely.

Everyone arrived as we finished off our entree, we ordered our parmas and awaited their arrival! before too long our chicken made its way from the kitchen.

Uh oh…

Now from the photo you might think that Tin Roof has opted for the unorthodox Schnitzel-Ham-Cheese-Napoli (or SHCN) topping order, however on closer inspection you’ll see that the napoli is visible purely because there isn’t anything else! No ham, and those few little light coloured dots sprinkled throughout the napoli is the cheese. Barely Melted. Barely there. So basically it was a S&N topping system, with a cameo by cheese as brief and disappointing as M. Night Shyamalan’s appearences in all of his movies.

You’d think, being down to just two elements, that the two elements would at least be quality - unfortunately not. The schnitzel, while big (I’ll give it that, it took up a lot of the plate) was terribly thin and tasteless, The napoli tasted as if it came straight from a can, there was far too much of it and it overpowered all of the other flavours in the dish.

Back to basics with the Cross-Section over ParmaCam this week! Sorry guys, forgot to pick up the tripod as I ran out of the house afraid of missing the tram.

There were a handful of slightly-thicker-than-french-fries chips hiding underneath the parma, they were okay, I thought I tasted chicken salt on one of them, but couldn’t on the rest - So I’m unsure if it was actually there or I am slowly slipping into chicken-induced dementia (quite a possibility)

The salad, while there, was definitely an afterthought. No love whatsoever in the stack of lettuce with a sliver of onion, cucumber and tomato with a splash of balsamic. Like the chips it was there, but nothing great.

I’ve said before that I judge value on “how far I would travel to try this parma again”, sadly the Tin Roof is no more than a 3 minute tram ride from my house, and I still wouldn’t recommend it.

All in all it was a disappointing experience - from the terrible service (after the hassle to get my 2nd beer the table was never asked if we were okay for drinks the rest of the time we were there) to the sub-par parma, Tin Roof is a little rusty, to say the least.

Parma - 3.40

Chips - 3.80

Salad - 3.40

Value - 4.00

Total - 3.60

The search continues…

Attempt #112 - 'The Imperial Hotel'

When? – 30/8/2012

Where? – The Imperial Hotel, 2-8 Bourke St. (Corner Bourke & Spring St) Melbourne.

Price? - $24.90

Website? - http://www.bourkestreetimperial.com/

Reviewers – Emma, Fridge, Johno, Lee, Mel, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony

EDIT 6/12/13 - The scores given in this review are no longer current, We re-scored the Impy at the 2013 Parma of the Year awards, check out the new scores by clicking here

Early this week I was faced with a conundrum. After a run of so/so parmas I was desperate to find one that was good. A parma that would serve as a morale booster to the review team, who I could sense was growing disillusioned by week after week of mediocrity. I couldn’t risk picking a pub at random this week so instead I asked the question on the Parma Daze Facebook page … Where can we go for a good parma?

Within a few hours I was overwhelmed with suggestions. I couldn’t decide which of them to try so I simply chose one of the responses at random… This one…

Sounded good to me! I Googled both pubs and something about the Imperial just grabbed me - particularly, the picture of the parma they have on their website…

Seperate bowls for chips and salad? A hunk of chicken that looked quality? I was sold.

I set the event and on Thursday night the Parma Bus arrived at The Imperial Hotel.

Walking into the Imperial I wondered how I hadn’t found this pub before. Cosy ambiance, 13 beers on tap, a DVD of a fireplace running on a loop and an abundance of TV’s showing various sports games; I found out later that this pub is the home of the Melbourne Liverpool Supporters Association - The Impy seems to be the place to be for you soccer fans!

They tout themselves as the “Third Oldest Pub in Melbourne” but it has been brought into the modern day beautifully while still retaining it’s old world charm, and there’s something about the view of Parliament directly across the road that fills me with a sense of pride. (ugh. Okay, I’m wanking on, I’ll get to the Parma)

Before arriving I made a booking via the online Dimmi booking system, unfortunately there was some sort of error in translation and the Imperial did not have a booking for the nine of us - Luckily the staff could not have been more accommodating, and they put together a table for us while we relaxed with a pot at the bar. It was two shakes before we were set up in the dining room perusing the menu…

Now classically giving a parma the name of your pub is a big red flag, not quite as much of a death sentence as referring to it as “Our famous chicken parma”, but damn close. With a little sweat forming on my brow we placed our orders. The parma’s arrived and I instantly knew I was wrong … this was gonna be a good’un

First of all, the plate was massive, look at the standard sized knife and forks beside it for some sort of comparison.

The schnitzel itself was a huge piece of pure chicken breast, hand crumbed, thick, juicy and piping hot. Those around the table who had schnitzels smaller than the norm were blessed with a double serving of a smaller schnitzel as opposed to the singular big one, and I’ve got a feeling that they came out with more with that deal.

Atop the golden crumbs was plenty of tasty napoli, a slice of ham that wasn’t lost amongst the other flavours of the dish and a perfect covering of golden cheese, crispy in all the right places.

I’m trying hard to come up with a negative about this parma and I honestly can’t think of any. The folks at the Imperial have come up with a truly outstanding piece of bird.

Take a look for yourself - Note: The song on today’s ParmaCam is for all the Dad’s celebrating fathers day this Sunday, have a good one guys! Enjoy the socks.

The separate bowl for the chips is always a plus, and contained within was a bowl of golden brown, well salted pub chips. Nothing extra-ordinary but for pub chips it’d be hard to ask for anything more, although gun-to-my-head a pot of aioli or tomato sauce on that exceedingly large plate would have made them spectacular.

I thought I was going to be let down with the salad as it appeared very dry in the bowl - luckily after the first forkful I discovered that the ingredients underneath (lettuce, onion, tomato, cucumber, shredded carrot) were doused in a healthy splash of balsamic dressing, turning this so/so salad into an accompaniment to the meal that more than held its own.

Enough of my chatter - what did everyone else think?

$24.90 is a little steep for a parma, but we always judge our value scores on the idea “Would I be happy to pay this much again, for what I got served?” and the answer for the Imperial is a resounding YES. Sure the price is up there but as the old saying goes “you get what you pay for”, and I would be more than happy to return for this piece of bird any day of the week. Also, Over the bar I noticed a sign that read something along the lines of “Monday - Buy one parma, get another for $15”. Sounds good to me! (and if that info is wrong someone let me know - I was a few pints in at the time I read it!)

It’s clear that the folks at the Imperial care about their parma, they put love and effort into their dish and it shows. Next time you’re in the area (or not! go out of your way for this one) be sure to stop in. For public transport folks it’s right at the entrance to Parliament station, so its also easy to stagger home from after the many pints you are sure to have at this absolute gem of a pub.

Parma - 9.06

Chips - 7.22

Salad - 7.72

Value - 8.50

Total - 8.31

The search continues…

Attempt #111 - 'The Leinster Arms Hotel'

When? – 23/8/2012

Where? – The Leinster Arms Hotel. 66 Gold St, Collingwood

Price? - $19.50

Website? - http://leinsterarms.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo

UPDATE 07/01/19 - We have been advised that the leinster has changed hands, and this review is no longer accurate. will be revisiting in a few weeks for a fresh look, stay tuned for more info!

We found The Leinster after The Happiest Hour promoted it as one of the last pubs left in Melbourne that still do a ‘Toss the Boss’, After looking into it the pub seemed to tick all of the boxes, A quiet, warm pub in the backstreets of Collingwood - the complete antithesis of last week’s attempt at Crown Casino and just the breath of fresh air we needed.

Also it’s been said that The Leinster is Mark ‘Chopper’ Read’s local, and thats kinda cool.

We loaded up the parma bus and headed into Collingwood, Unfortunately Toss the Boss runs on Wednesday nights, so we missed the boat on that front. Luckily the cosy ambiance of the pub more than made up for tossing a coin to get free drinks.

As expected, The Leinster is a cosy backstreets pub filled with charm and character, leather couches, brick walls and an open fire look comfy as hell in the lounge area, the pool table in the front bar is perfect for drinking the night away and although I didn’t venture in myself, I saw a lot of people heading through the back door to what looked like a solid, albeit cosy beer garden.

The dining “Atrium” was a different beast all together, Brick floors, brick walls, a glass roof and a buttload of greenery made for a very different pub-dining experience, it’s hard to explain the look exactly so I’m going to poach a photo from the pub’s website

Not your usual pub bistro!

We took a seat and checked the menu, while there were a couple of very intriguing menu items (“Willie’s Fettucine”, “”Fluffy” chicken breast”, or “Penne for the connoisseur”) We stuck with our guns and ordered the parmas…

But that’s not all, we were a particularly hungry group of parma goers this week, and the aroma’s coming from the kitchen certainly put us in the mood to venture over to the entree section of the menu, Reviewers Pat, Fridge and Nikki all ordered themselves a round of oysters Kilpatrick, while Reviewers Stefo and Myself, the less adventurous of the group, split an order of bruscetta…

The bruscetta was delicious! a perfect way to whet our appetites for the oncoming parmage… And although I personally would never touch an oyster with a 20ft pole, I snapped a picture -

Word from the seafood lovers was that the oysters were fantastic - everyone, suitably satisfied with their starters (alliteration for the win) waited with baited breath for the parmas to emerge from the kitchen.

Yet before they arrived the waitress arrived at our table with two large bowls of salad, Stating that as we all ordered parmas it would be easier to simply serve us our salad in large bowls… but more on that later.

Shortly after our salads arrived I hopped up to get myself a beer from the bar, and came back to find my parma already on the table. I saw the disappointed faces on my fellow diners, then looked to my plate … my heart sank.

Where to begin! The schnitzel was small, processed and oilier than a BP offshore drilling station. Under the crumbs was a credit card thin slice of pinkish-grey chicken that was not very appetizing at all. There was a crapload of cheese on top, however I think our meals spent some time under the heat lamps as my cheese had gone hard and rubbery, with the oil from the cheese separating out and adding to the already oily schnitzel.

The was a slice of ham and some napoli that was more tomato peel than actual napoli, however the entire parma was tainted with the taste of oil. every mouthful, oil. oil. oil.

After my third or fourth bite I really didn’t want to eat any more, I commented to the other lads that the only reason I would continue on was for the ParmaCam … the things I do for you people!

When the parma arrived the chips already looked dry and dead. Standard pub chips that I had to load with salt to get any semblance of flavour. Then came the moment when a small gnat-like bug crawled out from under one of Reviewer Nikki’s chips, scaled to the summit and claimed the chip in the name of all bug-kind.

Even with being in its own massive bowl the salad was dry. It contained onion, cucumber a heap of capsicum and far to much of an extremely sour white vegetable that we identified as fennel, but could be wrong.

We sat there after our meal truly flabbergasted (and feeling a bit sick). All the elements of an awesome parma were in play - The pub was fantastic, the other food we saw coming out of the kitchen looked amazing, Hell, even our own entrees were delicious!

The whole meal was a massive let-down yet, Amazingly, I would come back to the Leinster. A lot of the other menu items looked quite good, I just wouldn’t touch the parma again with a very, very long pole (longer than the one I use to not touch oysters)

Parma - 3.10

Chips - 2.80

Salad - 4.20

Value - 3.60

Total - 3.36

The search continues…

Attempt #110 - 'The Merrywell'

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When? – 16/8/2012

Where? – The Merrywell - Crown Casino

Price? - $28

Website? - http://www.themerrywell.com.au/

Reviewers – Bec, Fridge, Johno, Lee, Luke, Matt, Mel, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony S, Tony Q[/info]

The Merrywell is the new kid on the block at Crown, situated in the new “West End” section that is looking damn impressive, I’ve been wanting to go there since I spent multiple hours staring at the sign while waiting in line for Comic-Con at the exhibition center.

We loaded the Parma Bus with one of the biggest groups we’ve had in a while, headed to Crown and took our seats in a prime position looking into the window that overlooks the kitchen, the food I could see being prepared looked amazing, so hopes were high.

We checked our menus and placed our order…

hooo boy, I’m no tightass, but $28 is the most we have ever paid for a parma, and thats not including chips or salad?

I still held out some hope, for that price they had to be doing something impressive.

The pub itself is an absolute triumph, modern and sleek yet with the warmth of an open fire and lounge area, Not to mention the balcony - a gorgeous drinking platform overlooking the river, with an outdoor bar, heaters and TV screens - even the dunny’s had those dyson air-blade things … worth the trip alone right there!

After a bit of a wait (understandable, as we ordered 12 parmas in one hit) our food hit the table.

Now, before we get to the chicken I will preface it by saying that The Merrywell’s menu is extremely American influenced, with items such as “jalapeño poppers” and “mac & cheese bites” its a menu that wouldn’t look out of place between an Applebee’s and an Outback Steakhouse.

here goes…

It was obvious that the menu was mislabeled, this wasn’t a chicken parma, it was a chicken parmesan - Reminiscent of both of our parma tours of the United States, right down to the accompanying pasta.

The schnitzel itself was small, quality chicken (albeit a little dry) with fantastic crumbs that were the highlight of the dish, but still small (and slightly overcooked). There was no ham, the napoli was spread fairly thin and the cheese was reduced to a couple of dollops in the middle and some grated parmesan garnished on top. For a chicken parmesan it was ok, but the menu said Parma, and in Australia a parma is a very different beast to a chicken parmesan

[youtube id="_koqDeeA_tE" width="580" height="337"]

Firstly, in true yankee tradition, there were no chips. In its place was a pile of pasta with napoli sauce, to avoid confusion we will be scoring the pasta as if they were chips.

For pasta, it was … just plain pasta in napoli sauce that tasted dangerously close to being tinned - if you’re gonna take away our chippies you’d better replace them with something damn good! mediocre pasta is just not going to cut it.

Now, aside from the parma, on the menu we noticed a couple of options for share plates of chips, one item in particular caught our eye…

B…B…Bacon Aioli? You mean I can actually dip my chips into liquid bacon?! I must try this amazing dish! When we ordered the parmas we also ordered 3 serves of the share plate of chips to go around the table. $14 also seems pricey for some chips and aioli, but honestly - liquid bacon? I’d give up my first born son.

These were a bonus item that didn’t affect the final score, but along with the parmas arrived The Merrywell Chips -

Again, “Chips” is a bit of a misnomer, these were baked potatoes, halved, and baked. The bacon Aioli was fantastic, but I couldn’t help bit thing I would have enjoyed it more if it was served with a more classic chip - And with potatoes this size in a “share plate” situation, double dipping becomes a real issue.

You dipped the chip.

you took a bite.

and you dipped again.

There was no salad, save for the couple of green leaves atop the parma, so the “You don’t win friends with salad” clause was initiated (for those unfamiliar, see the salad section of This review, where the rule was first put into effect).

For $28 ($42 if you include the Merrywell Chips) this parma is far too expensive for what was on the table, end of story, sure its at Crown - A building literally designed to rip off consumers, but at least on the roulette table they at least pretend you have a chance of winning money (I may be a little bitter as I lost an extra $50 on the way out)

The pub is absolutely gorgeous, one of the best looking spots I’ve had the pleasure of downing a pint. Good music, great atmosphere and a decent selection of beers on tap.

The other food looked amazing and I’ll definitely be back to try the Wagyu sliders or Mac & cheese balls.

The “Parma” was a disappointment, but mainly due to the fact that it wasn’t really a parma - which is exactly why I didn’t score the American tours, its comparing apples and oranges. It was a tasty dish, but the lack of chips or salad for such an inflated price dragged the score down immensely - I won’t be trying it again in a hurry.

Parma - 6.25

Pasta - 4.92

Salad - N/A - “You don’t win friends with salad” rule initiated.

Value - 2.96

Total - 5.08 

The search continues…

Attempt #109 - 'The Pumphouse Hotel'

When? – 9/8/2012

Where? – The Pumphouse Hotel. 128 Nicholson St. Fitzroy

Price? - $19.90

Website? - http://www.pumphousehotel.com/

Reviewers – Emmett, Fridge, Grace, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony

UPDATE 07/06/2019 - WE REVISITED THE PUMPHOUSE UNDER ITS NEW NAME - THE ST. ANDREWS HOTEL - CHECK OUT HOW THE UPDATED REVIEW LOOKS HERE

The Pumphouse has been on our ‘to try’ list for quite a while - how it got there I cannot remember (if you are the person who recommended it, I’m sorry! I can’t remember if you emailed, facebooked, reddited or tweeted! but cheers for the heads up). Last week on our way home from Transport, we passed The Pumphouse and it looked damn inviting - with a beer garden out the side the big red brick building just looked inviting, especially when compared to the grey sterility of Transport.

I knew it was on the list, so we made the decision to check it out.

The moment I walked in I liked the pub. Open fire, lots of wood, the whole place was warm and cosy, yet spacious (if thats possible) Plenty of leaning space over one side of the bar, and opening up to a rather large bistro over the other side. We took our seat in prime position by the fireplace and checked the menu

The parma was sighted, the pints were in hand and the gang was in attendance. We placed our order and awaited the arrival.

Judging from the other food that was being paraded by the table as we waited, I had high hopes for this parma - every meal that walked past looked delicious, good parma or not I’ll definitely be back to have a taste of the other items on the menu. 

Despite its lack of coat hooks the bistro had a great feel - classy yet casual, if I had to compare it to another pub I’d have to say it reminded me a lot of The Exchange Hotel in Port Melbourne, both in atmosphere and the quality of the meals.

Before too long our chicken arrived…

The schnitzel was high quality; Succulent pure white chicken breast - very lightly crumbed and pan fried, Reviewer Stefo even reported that his parma was two smaller chicken breasts, fused together with cheese - we took this as a positive, any sign that what we are being served isn’t processed crap is always a great thing.

Despite being pan fried, the schnitz was a little overcooked, a lifting of the ham showed a few black spots underneath, not a hell-worthy trespass, but worth reporting.

The napoli was a delight, great flavour, fresh and plenty of it without being too much - very similar story with the cheese and ham, lots of flavour and melted to perfection (well, the cheese was melted, not the ham. I don’t think you can melt ham. Oh how good would life be if you could melt ham!! Hmph. Thanks A LOT physics)

You might appreciate this weeks ParmaCam a lot more knowing that one of the legs broke off the tripod, and we had to MacGyver a replacement one out of salt & pepper shakers, water bottles and other items we could find on the table

The chips were so/so. Very similar to fish & chip shop chips, but without the chicken salt. While being plenty of them they weren’t quite cooked enough. We were brought a couple of sauce pots as our parma’s hit the table though, so that saved them to some degree.

The garden salad, much like the chips, was a bit nothingness. Standard garden salad of lettuce, cucumber, onion and cherry tomatoes. Once again (much like last week) tossed in oil. While not being as oily as last weeks, Try as I might I simply can’t get into oil as a salad dressing.

The Pumphouse is a great pub, It has a fantastic vibe that I would be proud to call my local. At $19.90 I’d have the parma again (after trying some of the other amazing looking dishes on the menu), hopefully the slightly undercooked chips were just a result of 8 yahoos unexpectedly arriving and ordering 8 parmas simultaneously.

The chicken was solid, if they put a little more effort into their sides it would be in contention as one of the greats, will definitely be back soon for a pint and some quality tucker.

Parma - 7.5

Chips - 5.31

Salad - 6.00

Value - 6.38

Total - 6.54

The search continues…

Attempt #108 - 'Transport'

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When? – 2/8/2012

Where? – Transport. Federation Square.

Price? - $23.90

Website? - http://www.transporthotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony[/info]

**EDIT** - We revisited Transport in 2016 for a Redo. Has it gotten any better? Find out here!

In theory, Transport is a pub that goes against everything that I like about pubs.

I like wood, I like open fires, I like coat hooks and pub dogs, I like a pub that has a soul and a story to tell. Transport’s soulless slabs of grey concrete finished with glass and stainless steel is the absolute antithesis of everything I like about a pub, and yet I have had many a good drinking sesh within its walls - the fantastic range of horribly overpriced beers definitely help quell any protests I might have.

Since our parma at Young & Jackson, just across the road from fed square, Transport has been on my mind, I had heard good things about their steaks and sliders so hopefully their parma would be just as impressive!

Earlier in the day I called and attempted to make a booking but was informed that they didn’t reserve tables downstairs (the restaurant known as ‘Taxi’ upstairs did take bookings but their menu has a much more asian influence, and no parma). Although it was ‘$2 Taco night’ we decided to test our luck, which wound up putting us outside, just far enough away from a patio heater to see the flames, yet experience no warmth.

We checked the menu, and there she was…

We went to the bar, placed our order and were given one of those ‘boomerang’ beepers that light up and beep when it was time to collect our meals. I think it’s the kid in me, but I really enjoy these things, when they finally go off it feels like you’ve won Tattslotto.

The boomerang beeped, I went to collect, and quickly snapped a picture on the cutlery table as it was pretty dark where we sat outside (as you’ll see by the ParmaCam)

Now before I get to the parma, I need to discuss the plate. The teardrop shape of the plate adds greatly to the aesthetic of the parma, at first glance this baby looked amazing! however Transport needs to do away with these plates, which I believe are the plates one is forced to dine on when suffering the eternal torment of hell.

The problem with the design is, due to its curved nature, there is only one point on the plate that you can apply pressure to without the whole thing toppling over, that spot is about the size of a ten cent piece, in the middle of the largest part of the ‘drop’ (from the picture, about where the chips meet the parma. Many chips were lost to the table last night, and it was unanimous across the board that transport needs to do away with these unholy plates.

Now, the chicken.

The chicken breast was thick and unprocessed - Much better than what I was expecting, but thats pretty much where the positives end. The ‘hand crumbing’ tasted more like the parma was dusted with flour before being cooked. The napoli sauce was pasty and tasted burnt. The cheese was far too overpowering and overtook the flavour of the whole dish (apart from the taste of burnt napoli), and although there was a slice of ham on the dish, it’s barely worth mentioning.

[youtube id="riG427Xo7kc" width="580" height="337"]

We picked up a bottle of sauce from the condiment station when we collected our parmas, and I’m glad we did. When I first tasted the crinkle cut chips I had a little hope - they seemed freshly cooked, crisp and tasty, however that didn’t last long as the crispiness gave away to oily tastelessness. You know the feeling when you bite into a chip and you get that delicious crunch, then a second later you feel like your mouth is coated in oil? Thats what these were. The sauce definitely saved them but on their own the chips were a major disappointment. And I love crinkle cut chips!

Now I’ve been pretty negative on this review so far… and its about to get a lot worse.

The salad was absolutely terrible. Lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomato and some carrot. hard to go wrong? The whole thing tasted like it had been sitting in a vat of oil for an hour. Not a splash of oil and some balsamic, just pure oil. So much so the cucumber slices had turned into a kind of jelly and dissolved to the touch. There was more oil on this salad than on the entire cast of Jersey Shore. Awful.

For $23.90 this is a very bad parma at a very high price point. I honestly wouldn’t cross the street to try it again.

If I had one positive I would say that I walked away full, Which is probably for the best as “$2 Taco night” is a phrase that should be accompanied with a chorus of angels.

All in all Transport is a pub thats good for a beer and not much else, I can’t speak for the other food but avoid the parma - You’d be better off putting your money on a MyKi, catching public transport away from Transport, and find a pub that serves a much better parma.

Parma - 4.57

Chips - 4.50

Salad - 1.64

Value - 2.57

Total - 3.57

The search continues…

Attempt #107 - 'Chartreuse'

[info]

When? – 26/07/2012

Where? – Chartreuse. 332 Keilor Rd, Niddrie

Price? - $20

Website? - http://www.chartreusecafebar.com/

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Pat, Stefo[/info]

** Note ** This location has now closed

Living on Keilor road (well, in a sidestreet meters from it), I’m always saying to the wife “We don’t utilise Keilor road enough”. There’s so many shops, cafe’s and restaurants that I never even consider when the daily question of “Whats for dinner?” arises. The most I probably use K road for late night Maccas runs or pasta from the pizza place near Maccas.

We hadn’t done a local parma in a while so I figured it was time, I was going to finally utilize Keilor road. We have done a couple of parmas in the street with so/so success, so finding a good parma minutes from my front door would be a real bonus.

With the helpfulness of the tram tracker iPhone app, I was out the door and at Chartreuse in about 5 minutes flat, When we arrived (at 7) it was dead quiet, yet that quickly changed, as by the time our parmas hit the table the place was absolutely packed - hopefully that would be a good sign.

Once everyone arrived we scoped the menu and ordered our parmas and a round of beers from the very friendly and helpful staff.

First impressions were good - of the four parmas that hit the table mine was the smallest, and it was still big enough to fill the hole. It came out piping hot with plenty of napoli and cheese (no ham) the chicken was juicy and thick, the napoli was flavourful and the cheese was plentiful!

Our major criticism is with the crumbs - while not being thick the crumbs were a major detriment to the meal, they looked processed, they flaked away from the chicken and they didn’t add any flavour to the dish at all - Reviewer pat likened them to the crumbs you’d find on a chicken nugget. A slight negative for an overall great piece of bird.

Apologies, but a technical glitch means no ParmaCam this week! we are going old school with the cross section. Also, if you’d like me to bring back the cross section alongside the ParmaCam in future reviews, let me know (via Facebook or Twitter).

There were a heap of chips, cooked well and topped with chicken salt, a seldom used spice that really added to the chips flavour. We requested some tomato sauce and were brought a couple of sauce pots for dipping - A lovely touch.

The salad was standard. a very onion-heavy garden salad with carrot, lettuce, tomato and a thick balsamic dressing. Nothing bad, but not noteworthy.

For $20, I’d be back. It’s definitely the best parma We’ve had on Keilor road so far and worth checking out if you’re in the area - although I wouldn’t be traveling more than 10 minutes out of my way to give it a go.

Thats actually a cool rating technique … judge a parma by how far you’d be willing to travel to eat it. Chartreuse I would definitely give a rating of 10 minutes, good thing its close, I’ll definitely give it another shot.

Parma - 7.13

Chips - 6.38

Salad - 5.50

Value - 6.50

Total - 6.53

The search continues…

Attempt #106 - 'The Mitre Tavern'

[info]

When? – 19/07/2012

Where? – The Mitre Tavern. 5 Bank Pl, Melbourne CBD

Price? - $18.90

Website? - http://www.mitretavern.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Pat, Stefo[/info]

The Mitre Tavern is a parma that I’ve been wanting to do for quite some time. I mean, It’s the first pub in Melbourne! That kind of nostalgia has gotta be worth massive points. We loaded up the parma bus and headed for the CBD.

After a little trouble finding a carpark, we made our way down Bank Pl to the Mitre. If you have yet to visit the Mitre it is certainly an odd sight - Nestled between highrises in the middle of Melbourne’s CBD is a tiny little two story house surrounded by hundreds of Melbournites in suits, all downing a few well earned post-work pots.

We ducked in through the doors and took our seats in the bistro downstairs (there is a much more lah-dee-dah steakhouse upstairs, but unfortunately there is no parma on the menu up there)

After settling in with a pint of Mountain Goat, we checked the menu -

When a pub puts its own name in the name of the parma it can either be a very good thing or a very bad one - On one hand it could mean that they are very extremely proud of their quality meal, yet on the other (more likely) hand, its a kiss of death. Much like when you see the word “Famous” on the menu before a parma.

One other thing we noticed was the lack of salad, It wasn’t until after we ordered that we noticed the ‘sides’ section on the back of the menu, the option to add a salad would cost us an extra $3, but seeing as we had already ordered, nobody partook.

Before too long our meals arrived in front of us.

The Schnitzel was quite wide, but unfortunately it was thin and processed, the crumbs were thick and there was more nudity on the schnitzel than on this painting on the wall -

The area under the cheese and ham was passable, although there was a major lack of napoli leaving the whole thing dry - It was the first time in 106 parmas that I’ve resorted to using the tomato sauce for more than just the chips, just to give the thing some moisture.

The above rundown has come off a bit harsh - it wasn’t terrible, But I was expecting a lot more from the first (and one of my favourite) pubs in Melbourne.

[youtube id="4zhrKTHOCeo" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were okay, passable and well cooked, however they were nothing special and just looked lonely on the plate without any salad. Two of the six parmas that came out had individual sauce pots on the plate (you know how I love my sauce pots) yet the other four had no sauce pots, and a squeeze bottle of sauce put on the table in front of us, when questioned about this the waitress said “I guess the chef just got lazy”.

I was reading a review of a fellow food blogger who goes by the name Juganauts (whom I also borrowed the above artwork photo from) and she put it perfectly …

If you have a minute, check out Juganaut’s Foodie Thoughts, its a great read, not parma exclusive, but they do come up fairly often.

Now, the salad. As mentioned before, It was nonexistent (unless you wanted to shell out an extra $3 for it). This is not the first time we’ve come across a salad free parma, and we have rules set in place for how its handled score-wise (known as the “you don’t win friends with salad” rule). A zero across the board would be too harsh, so instead they get a 5, which effectively nullifies the salad from affecting the score - however the lack of a salad is definitely reflected in the final Value score. Sound fair? good.

I love the Mitre Tavern, Its everything I love about a pub in a cosy little home squirreled away in the back alleys of the Melbourne CBD, which is why it kills me to say that I would not be back for another parma any time soon.

Such a disappointment but dry, processed chicken, thick crumbs, nude schnitzel and no salad make the Mitre a pub that I’ll only be returning to for a beer, not a meal… (and maybe some of those cheap lodgings afforded to seamen)

Yowza.

Parma - 5.17

Chips - 5

Salad - 5

Value - 4.67

Total - 5.00

The search continues…

Attempt #105 - 'The Snug Public House'

For the life of me, I can’t find a photo of the exterior of The Snug! I forgot to take one on the night, google street view was taken before the pub was open, and google image search gives me bupkis… so as a bonus here is a shot of the interior I stole off their facebook page

[info]

When? – 12/07/2012

Where? – The Snug Public House. 68 Sydney Rd. Brunswick

Price? - $16.00

Website? - http://www.facebook.com/thesnugpublichouse

Reviewers – Cale, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony[/info]

**EDIT 30/04/15 - I stopped into the Snug last night and found the Parma is sadly no longer on the menu, Will archive this review for now, If you stop into the Snug and see that the parma has returned let me know!

If you read last week’s attempt, you’ll remember that we first tried to have a parma at a pub called The Snug on Sydney rd, before we wound up on Lygon Street at The Quarry, I didn’t realise just how snug The Snug was and neglected to make a reservation, which resulted in us not being able to get a table. One might think that would be the end of us trying to review The Snug, but over here at Parma Daze we are not so easily deterred.

This time we went prepared. I found a number, made the call on Thursday arvo, and (by the skin of my teeth) locked in a reservation. We arrived at the Snug, got ourselves some pints of Guinness and took a seat.

I’ve mentioned it before, but The Snug is a small pub. Small, but packed with character.

The whole place is cosy as hell and just bleeds genuine Irish, It makes the franchised-fake Irishness of the pub across the road seem that much more disingenuous. Amazingly friendly bar staff, a secret little beer garden out the back, and that little touch (which I have mentioned previously) that makes a good pub great, coat hooks.

We took our seats, perused the menu… and my heart sank. The parma that was on the menu only a week before had vanished without a trace. What were we to do? Where were we to go? (we were out on our fannieees! … ahem). It would have been rude for us to up and leave after making a booking at such a busy place, so we swallowed our pride and did something we haven’t done on a Thursday night in years - looked at other things on the menu. I had decided on the porterhouse, Reviewer Nikki was getting the stew in a loaf of bread, Cale and Stefo were getting the Fish & Chips, and you, dear reader, were very close to not getting a review this week.

Then the staff came to take our order, and I had to ask if we could get a parma.. “oh!” she said, and did a quick head count. “I think we can do that”, she hurried off to the kitchen to confirm with the chef and came back with the greatest news I have heard since Valve announced they were making Portal 2. We could have our parma!

I’m not sure why the parma was off the menu in the first place, but I assuming they were simply low on ingredients and weren’t sure they could fulfill a whole night’s worth of orders. If venturing to The Snug for a parma it might be something you want to confirm over the phone when making a reservation (and trust me, you need to make a reservation).

After a short wait our parmas arrived -

There are a lot of great things to say about The Snug parma, but it isn’t all good. I’ll start with the positives first.

The toppings were amazing, the ham was fresh and delicious, the napoli was fresh and plentiful without being overpowering and the cheese (while there were some minor nudity issues) was an interesting yet tasty blend that complimented the meal perfectly. The toppings were solid, the schnitzel however, was not.

Thin, processed and heart-shaped, the chicken was a let-down, it was by no means bad, but the whole meal was carried by its toppings, and the chicken itself became somewhat secondary. Such a shame as if this parma was built on a stronger foundation it would be solid gold.

[youtube id="FY5Udw76FdA" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were hand cut and reminiscent of what you would get at a fish & chip shop in shape. They were plentiful, well cooked and served with that golden ticket of chippery - An individual sauce pot on the plate. lovely.

The salad, served in a separate bowl, was a wonder. We haven’t seen this much attention paid to a salad in quite some time, and lord is that a breath of fresh air (I am beyond sick of typing ‘the salad was a standard garden salad’ every week).

A massive serving of lettuce, onion, cucumber, capsicum & tomato served with croutons and topped with grated cheese. Grated cheese on a salad? brilliance. Majorly filling, I struggled to finish the whole thing.

It didn’t look like a big meal when the food hit the table, however the parma at The Snug was damn filling, and clocking it at $16 it was rather easy on the wallet.

The Snug is a young pub, and it seems they are still feeling things out when it comes to their menu. All of the elements of their parma were fantastic, with the exception of the schnitzel itself.

If the owners of The Snug are reading this, you’re almost there! With just one tweak you could have one of the best parmas out there, and to be honest I would happily pay $5 or even $10 more for the meal I was delivered if it was served on a quality, un-processed chicken breast, and I’m pretty sure everyone else in attendance on the day agreed with me.

As always we are happy to re-review if the parma has changed significantly, and if you do take my advice be sure to let us know so we can come back & give it another go. Oh, and that Guinness was delicious.

Parma - 6.17

Chips - 6.58

Salad - 7.50

Value - 8.17

Total - 6.92

The search continues…

#104 - 'The Quarry Hotel'

When? – 06/07/2012

Where? – The Quarry Hotel, 101 Lygon St. Brunswick East.

Price? - $16.90

Website? - http://www.quarryhotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo

There is a bit of a story to how we ended up at The Quarry.

Our plan was to visit a brand new little pub on Sydney Rd called The Snug. We had heard great things about the food there and figured we’d head down and give it a go. There was only a small group so I didn’t make a booking, little did I know that The Snug lives up to its name… It was extremely snug, there were only a few of tables in the whole pub, and unfortunately they were all taken.

So what were we to do? The Snug is pretty much across the road from Bridie O’Reilly’s, but we had already visited Bridie’s two years prior (almost two years to the day! spooky). The Cornish Arms was up the road, but we had already tried there as well, so we figured we would go for a wander and see what popped up. Our first stop was the Brunswick Hotel, looked pretty good, great looking beer garden and a live band was setting up, however once we got in we realised they don’t actually serve food at the Brunswick Hotel, So out the door we went.

From the entrance of The Brunswick we could see the welcoming glow of a Carlton Draught sign down Weston st. We followed it down to find The Sporting Club, which did have a menu on the wall that looked quite promising. I thought we found it, until we realised the unthinkable - The Sporting Club didn’t have a parma on the menu (tragic)… as hungry as we were by this point, we pushed on.

Standing out in the cold I thought back to the list of pubs pinned to the wall in my office, and one pub sprang to mind. The Quarry. It had only been added recently, but it was pretty much exactly where we were, just one street over. so we hustled to our cars and headed up to Lygon St. and The Quarry.

We normally order our parmas at about 7, however by the time we got to the Quarry it was 7:45 and we could collectively eat the crotch out of a flock of low flying ducks (such a “dad” phrase). We went straight to the bar and ordered. Took our seat and concentrated on calming our nerves … it was a close call, but our parmas were on the way.

To be quite honest, I had low expectations for The Quarry, I had heard bad things about their parma from a few sources - but I was hoping against hope that they had lifted their game. A game of pool was played and a pot of Mountain Goat was downed while we waited, but before too long our meals landed in front of us.

I was pleasantly surprised when the food hit the table. The parma was sizable, thick, juicy, and had the most fantastic looking home made crumbs I’ve seen in quite some time (without confirmation I’d say they were literally made by blending bread, spices and baked in the oven. fantastic). The whole dish came out on a massive square plate with paprika sprinkled in the corner as a garnish, it looked quite impressive, and Reviewer Pat, who had tried the parma at the Quarry once before said that it wasn’t at all like the parma he had eaten previously, this one looked a lot better.

There was some slight nude schnitz around the edges that I didn’t worry too much about, as the schnitzel on its own was flavoursome enough to stand on its own without toppings. The cheese was delicious, despite being a bit overcooked and there was plenty of ham for those needing a pork fix - I normally don’t like a lot of ham on my parma, yet this one had quite a few slices and it managed to not overpower the dish in the least.

The napoli was fresh, rich, slightly peppery and I suspect also home made - but there was a ton of it, I’m not sure if it was caused by the cheese melting and contracting to the center of the parma, bringing the sauce in with it, but under the cheese was a river of napoli that some considered too much (Reviewer Nikki’s parma had far too much nap, which she resorted to scraping off the parma).

Instead of chips, we got wedges - which I am all for, who doesn’t love a good wedge?

They were tasty and did their job, however they were a bit undercooked and if I weren’t dipping them in my paprika garnish as I mentioned earlier, then I would’ve been jonezing for some seasoning, or some sour cream for dippage.

The garden salad of lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomato and carrot was pretty straightforward and scantily dressed with a creamy dressing. Not terrible but nothing noteworthy.

Clocking in at $16.90 this was one of the cheaper parma’s we have had in some time, especially on a non-special night. The Quarry has a great atmosphere, friendly staff, pool tables, and a parma that is both cheap-ish and high in quality, with a only a few minor issues holding it back; However for the price I would definitely recommend checking it out if you’re in the area.

Parma - 7.70

Chips - 6.60

Salad - 5.80

Value - 7.90

Total - 7.14

The search continues…

Attempt #103 - 'The Beach'

When? – 28/06/2012

Where? – The Beach. 97 Beaconsfield Pde, Albert Park

Price? - $24

Website? - http://thebeachalbertpark.com.au/

Reviewers – Cale, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony

UPDATE 12/11/18 - IT HAS COME TO OUR ATTENTION THAT, AFTER AN EXTENSIVE REMODEL AND NAME CHANGE TO “THE BLEAKHOUSE HOTEL”, THE BEACH HAS REMOVED THE PARMA FROM THEIR MENU.

The Beach!!!

I’m not 100% sure how The Beach fell on my radar, I think it was a combination of someone suggesting it, not doing a parma down St. Kilda/Albert Park way for a while and remembering The Beach as being a pretty cool pub. Whatever the reason, The Beach (or is it The Beach Hotel? The sign just says “The Beach” so thats what I’m sticking with) was on our radar, we loaded up the parma bus and headed to the beach, to go to The Beach.

Situated on Beaconsfield Pde, The Beach has a fantastic view of (you guessed it) the beach. A few beers here on a clear summer day would be glorious. We entered the pub and met the rest of the review team, who were in the front bar, already polishing off a bowl of chips. Reviewer Stefo commented “If the chips on the parma are as good as the ones we just got, then this is gonna rate well” We took that as a good sign and headed around to the restaurant-side of the bar, took a seat and perused the menu, I got a little worried when I couldn’t see a parma in the “mains” section of the menu, but was quickly relieved when I found it hiding in a separate “Pub Classics” category. Sneaky.

We ordered our seven parmas and kicked back. The Beach is a massive pub, with multiple rooms including a TAB, Pokies, sports bar, restaurant, beer garden, and other rooms for when it gets busier. It was rather quiet at 7pm on a Thursday but it isn’t hard to envision this place when its pumping.

After a schooner of The Beach’s in-house beer, “Beach Lager” our parmas hit the table…

I’ve gotta say, I wasn’t expecting anything great from The Beach. It struck me as one of those sterilized, over-managed pubs that is so popular that they don’t need to care about serving up quality, and are more interested in raking in the cash than providing a good meal. Boy was I glad to be proven wrong.

The schnitzel was a delight, although a little small on the circumference, it was a Thick juicy chicken breast with standard crumbs, cooked to perfection.

The combination of toppings was perfect, with a solid amount of tasty, perfectly cooked cheese. A very healthy dollop of fresh napoli sauce that carried a lot of flavour and a slice of ham that added a delicious smokey twang to the dish.

[youtube id="YrLhaHm_E2k" width="580" height="337"]

As soon as I saw the chips they reminded me of the Bad Boy chips from a recent review, and as predicted by Stefo, they were damn good. There weren’t a lot on the plate, but there didn’t need to be. The thick cut, perfectly cooked fat chips were a splendid accompaniment to the dish, crispy on the outside yet melted in the mouth. The staff even brought around some sauce pots for dipping. Fantastic.

The garden salad was served in a separate bowl, with Lettuce, onion, capsicum, tomato and cucumbers and a creamy dressing on top. it was great to start with, but all the dressing and goodies were on the top alone, and once they were gone all that was left was a bowl of dry lettuce (I think it was summed up best in Stefo’s quote below … He was on the ball this week!)

It was discussed at the table, so I might as well mention it - The Beach is a great “Date Pub”, The menu is swanky enough to impress the ladies, the pub itself its beautiful, the view of the palm trees along the beachfront is amazing, even the female reviewers agreed that this would be a great spot to bring a girl (plus while you are getting your date on you can down a few quality beers and dig in to a parma!)

To my surprise, The Beach fronted a top notch parma. At $24 it is up there on the price scale but I would be happy to pay it again, I’m not sure if they do a cheaper parma night, but to be honest I’d be happy to go back any day of the week.

Parma - 8.57

Chips - 9.43

Salad - 5.71

Value - 7.64

Total - 7.99

The search continues…

#102 - 'The Edinburgh Castle Hotel'

When? – 21/06/2012

Where? – The Edinburgh Castle Hotel. 681 Sydney Rd. Brunswick

Price? - $16 (Small) $22.50 (Large)

Website? - edinburghcastle.net.au

Reviewers – Adam, Kylie, Lee, Nikki, Pat, Shanan, Stefo

This review is no longer valid! 5 years later we revisited the edinburgh castle to see if they improved their parma. click here and find out how they did!

To be honest I have no idea how I got onto the Edinburgh Castle, it kind’ve just … happened. But either way we headed down Sydney road and started off our meal with a pint in the bar.

The Edinburgh castle is a warm, inviting pub, love the open fires, love the horseshoe bar, love the beer garden out the back (complete with another fire and ping-pong table) and, much like last week, love all the little nooks and crannies around the place.

There wasn’t a table big enough for our group free in the front bar, so we moved through to the dining room out the back, which was plenty spacious, with yet another fireplace and a large bar up one end of the room, which was unfortunately closed this Thursday night.

We spied the menu and found our target -

Everyone was hungry, so nobody dared to go the $16 smaller serve. We ordered, I went to the bar and grabbed a pint of Mountain Goat Steam Ale (delish), grabbed some cash at the ATM, wandered out the back and checked out the lovely (but damp) beer garden then headed back to the table where it wasn’t very long at all till our chickeny delights hit the table…

Apologies for the quality of the photo, it was rather dark in the pub and flash + food is a big no-no.

The chicken breast was top quality, not massive but big enough, thick and juicy while not being overzealous with the crumbs. A quality schnitz set the base for this dish, which was topped with a hell of a lot of cheese. I’ve had cheesy parmas before, but this could definitely take the title as cheesiest, so much so that the first bite from the edge was pretty much all cheese runoff. Normally I’ve got no issue with cheese, but in this case it was a little overcooked (as you can see in the photo) and very overpowering.

To give you an idea, It was cheesier than this car, which is made of cheese.

The napoli was almost nonexistent, To be honest I didn’t even notice it was there.

Now to the most contentious part of the evening - The prosciutto. I like prosciutto, its salty goodness warms my soul, and because of this I quite enjoyed my parma, as did some other prosciutto lovers on the table. However it is a very powerful flavour, much like olives or blue cheese, and if you aren’t a fan of prosciutto, as quite a few people on the table were, it absolutely kills the dish. Opinion was split down the table, some loved it, others hated it with a passion.

The chips were a letdown, wedged under the parma was a handful of overcooked out-of-the-bag pub chips, a disappointment.

Much like the chips, little love went into the salad. A rather wilted garden salad of lettuce, onion, cherry tomatoes, cucumber and some radish. Not bad, but not good.

Basically the parma at the Edinburgh Castle is for you if you like prosciutto, if you don’t it might be best to try something else from the menu

Personally, I loved the salty goodness and will be back for more, Plus the great range of beers on tap, coupled with the cosy fires and good live music make The Edinburgh Castle it a great place to stop in for a pint.

Parma - 5.79

Chips - 4.86

Salad - 4.57

Value - 5.14

Total - 5.23

The search continues…

Attempt #101 - 'The Union Club Hotel'

[info]

When? – 14/06/2012

Where? – The Union Club Hotel. 164 Gore St. Fitzroy

Price? - $19

Website? - http://www.unionclubhotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Lee, Nikki, Pat[/info]

With parma #100 quickly followed by the Queens Birthday public holiday and the sickie I took on Tuesday to make an extra long weekend *cough cough*, This weeks parma rolled around damn quickly!

The Parma Bus had been returned and attempt #100 was complete, but that didn’t mean we could rest on our laurels. The hunt for the perfect parma was still afoot, and with that in mind we set our sights on a pub that I had been suggested on a variety of occasions, The Union Club Hotel.

The Union club has the same ambiance as a lot of pubs in the area. A warm welcoming open fire, hallways criscrossing hallways, each leading to a different hidden drinking nook, and a very impressive outdoor drinking area (downstairs and upstairs), pool table in the corner and footy playing on the projector screen. A cosy pub that I fell in love with immediately and that I would be proud to call my local.

We took a seat by the fire and perused the menu, being a rather dark pub I struggled to get a good menu photo, so here is a grab from the website -

None of us were game to try the Mexican, the menu was a tad vague, was it only the napoli that was mexican? or the whole parma? We will find out next time I suppose.

We placed our order as the projector screen was rolled down and Thursday night footy kicked off. Pint in hand we kicked back and awaited the food’s arrival, Happy to sit for hours in front of the cosy fireplace.

But it didn’t take hours! shortly after ordering our parmas were trotted out of the kitchen…

The darkness of the pub meant I had to do a lot of post-brightening and white balancing of the photo, so I hope its okay (The ParmaCam this week is shocking, but I’ll get to that later)

The schnitzel was a thick, full chicken breast, crumbed to perfection in panko crumbs, and juicier than Scarlett Johannson (I haven’t used that joke in at least 80 reviews, I’m dusting it off for this one!)

Atop the parma was lashings of ham, not just a single slice as you will find with most parma’s, but layers of tasty ham that, surprisingly, didn’t overpower the dish.

There was plenty of cheese, extremely tasty and carrying a ton of flavour, and finally the Napoli sauce was truly fantastic - Never have I had napoli that tasted so fresh, as if it had been squeezed directly from the tomato onto my parma. An outstanding effort.

Major apologies for the quality of ParmaCam this week, I accidentally re-assigned focus to the bottom corner before filming and didn’t realise till after we finished eating. I’ll definitely be back and will re-shoot the ParmaCam next chance I get!

[youtube id="lV962Wns7sU" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were standard pub chips, unseasoned and boring - nothing bad, but compared to the awesome parma sitting next to it, A bit of a let-down

The garden salad was also so/so. Lettuce, onion, cucumber and cherry tomatoes. It was fresh and crisp, but lacked any “wow” factor!

The Union Club Hotel is a gorgeous little pub that serves up an amazing parma, which is unfortunately let down by lackluster chips and salad, If those were to improve it would definitely be a contender for the number #1 spot.

These days its not often that we find a parma (let alone a good one) that clocks in at less than $20, and at $19 on a non special night, the parma at the Union Club is great value. I’ll be heading back soon to re-shoot the ParmaCam and further investigate the mexican option, I will update this review when I do, so make sure you follow our Twitter to get an update when that happens.

In the meantime, head down to the Union Club and check out what they have on offer - you wont regret it!

Parma - 9.50

Chips - 5.50

Salad - 5.67

Value - 8.00

Total - 7.63

The search continues…

Attempt #100 - 'The Commercial Hotel'

[info]

When? – 9/06/2012

Where? – The Commercial Hotel. 65 Grant St. Alexandra

Price? - $23 (unless stated otherwise)

Website? - http://www.commhotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Shanan, Grace, Ben, Ahmad, Pat, Nikki, Lee, Tony, Stefo, Adam, Janet, Ness, Kylie, Cale[/info]

**EDIT** After closing for a few weeks the Commercial has re-opened with new owners and has re-instated the famous menu of parmas. However word on the grape-vine is that they are not the same as they used to be - Reserving judgement until we can get back up there and give them another go!

**EDIT** As of the 28/11/2013 The Commercial Hotel has closed its doors and its menu of over 40 parmas is no longer available. You will be missed guys!

Before I begin with the review, I’ll get the initial stuff out of the way.

100 parmas! Holy shit!

The night before the review I was bored and did some calculations - I went through each Parma Daze review and counted how many attendees were at each then added them all together to get the grand total number of chicken parmigiana’s that have been ordered on behalf of Parma Daze. 709. Add the fourteen that were consumed on our hundredth attempt and it brings the total to 723 parmas. Good lord.

Now if you can assume that each parma is one chicken breast, and there are two breasts on a chicken, then that means 361 and a half chickens have given their lives in search for the perfect parma.

Now, A moment of silence to commemorate the fallen…

We have had an amazing time searching for Melbourne’s best parma, and it wouldn’t be possible without a few people that I want to say a quick thanks to -

To the Parma Daze review team! I know it can be a pain in the arse to get to the pubs some weeks, but I couldn’t do it without you guys!

To you! If you are reading this review, I thank you. It’s knowing that someone other than us weirdos cares enough about parmas to read about it every week that keeps us going.

Okay. So with that out of the way, its on to the review!

If you follow the Victorian parma-scene then you probably know about the Commercial hotel. In the two-and-a-bit years we have been running the site it has been suggested to me hundreds of times as ‘The best parma in Australia’, boasting a menu of over 40 different types of parma, it has been on our ‘to do’ list since day one.

We dragged ourselves out of bed bright and early on Saturday morning and headed to Budget rent-a-car. Now, I have mentioned the “Parma Bus” many times, and the first time that I did, I posted a picture that looked like this…

In reality, the parma bus looked more like this…

But we loved it all the same.

We loaded up the 12 seater Bus with 14 occupants (two of which sat on eskis at the back, shhhh!), Pumped ‘Venga Bus’ and began the two hour-ish drive north to Alexandra.

We were pushed for time as a stop at the bottle-o meant that we didn’t get on the road quite as early as I would’ve liked, which meant we only stopped one other time - for a pee break in King Lake.

At about 12:30 we rolled into a very busy Alexandra. Our original plan for parma #100 was to get accommodation in town, stay the night and have multiple parma’s over the long weekend, however due to unfortunate timing, the Alexandra Truck and Ute Show fell on the same weekend, and had the town completely booked out months in advance.

I had never been to Alexandra before, and it is absolutely gorgeous, the perfect country town where you can’t walk 100 meters without passing a different pub.

Alexandra, A beautiful spot.

We found the Commercial, and as we were running half an hour late for our booking, hurried inside. When I spotted this beside the door on the way past I knew we were in the right place.

If you read Parma Daze often, you will know that I am a sucker for a country pub. On entering the Commercial Hotel, I was in heaven. Open fires, countless hidden nooks for drinking and dining, pool tables and those break-open bingo cards, This is a pub that bleeds character, and if the walls could talk I would love to hear some of the stories it could tell.

The staff that greeted us were warm and friendly, even rocking up with two more than we had booked for was no problem at all (we can be a pain in the arse sometimes!) they did absolutely everything they could to make us feel welcome.

But enough of my jibber-jabber. To the parmas!

We took our seats and opened the menu to find three pages of parmas, I tried to take a photo of all the pages but it didn’t turn out quite well enough to post, so I grabbed the below from the pub’s website, just to give you an idea

if this is too small to read properly, click here for the full version

As usual, when it comes to places with novelty parma options, I went with the Traditional, as did a few others in our group, everyone else mixed it up a little so we got an idea of the full spectrum of what was available.

To kill time, while we waited the group took turns kicking ass on the claw-grabbing-candy-machine. We won so much chocolate, there is still heaps left over, if anyone wants any email me and I’ll send you some.

Then, the grand moment arrived, and our 100th parma hit the table -

The Traditional

And for the sake of completeness, I got the other reviewers to send me a photo of their parma -

The Hawaiian

The Obama Parma

The Mexican

The Slightly Nutty (Veggie Parma)

The Fun Guy

The Nacho Parma

For the hundredth time, we picked up our knives and forks, and dug in.

When I first saw the parma my initial thought was that it looked a little small - my initial thought was dead wrong. although small in circumference, the Commercial’s schnitzel is thick pure chicken breast, that hasn’t been pounded flat, and thus retains a heap of moisture, leaving a very juicy breast indeed.

The crumbs are fantastic, home made and not applied too liberally. There was plenty of freshly shaved ham, a heaping of cheese and a very tasty home made napoli that made this a fantastic piece of chicken, however something was missing. looking around the table and hearing the comments from the other reviewers, I couldn’t help but regret ordering the traditional parma and not going for one of the novelty options.

Normally when a pub offers novelty options for their parmas is it to hide the fact that their standalone parma simply doesn’t cut it. This is not the case with the Commercial hotel, the traditional parma is fantastic, one of the best I have ever had, but it fell just short of the mark of perfect. If I had to give a criticism I would say that the ham and cheese, while in abundant supply, were slightly tasteless, and the traditional parma was not the flavour explosion you would expect a number #1 parma to be.

It’s hard to convey tone when criticizing a parma via text, the Commercial hotel’s parma is absolutely fantastic, and if it weren’t a four hour round trip to get one, I would be here on a weekly basis!

The word from the novelty goers on the table varied, but that is usually the case when there is such a wide variety on offer, a few of the people who tried a novelty parma also had a taste of the traditional, and we came to the consensus that, although great, the special toppings are the way to go.

[youtube id="8c8ODbFAEMw" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were a delight- plenty of them, beer battered and cooked to perfection, they were slightly unseasoned, but a tabletop salt shaker made short work of that. A fantastic offering that could’ve only been improved by some table-top tomato sauce!

The garden salad on the table was one of the best examples we have come across, overloaded with lettuce, tomato, carrot, cucumber, lettuce & onion, and topped with a thick dressing that I can best describe as balsamic mixed with barbeque sauce. It was a flavour explosion that even the most devout salad-haters in our group enjoyed.

Lots of quotes this week. I’ve put the type of parma had beside the quoter’s name, to get a better idea of what was had.

Its obvious the Commercial hotel takes great pride in their parma. It’s clearly a labour of love for them and it has paid off in spades, the TV screens in the bistro run a constant slideshow of the different options available, on the way out there is a board devoted to newspaper clippings about their food. Finding out that a portion of the profits for the parmas goes to leukemia research is just icing on the cake

As for specials, they run $15 parma Thursdays, which is a great deal, there is also a Parma Loyalty Card available that offers your 8th and 16th parma half price, and a freebie when you get to 24.

Oh, and if you eat all 40 parmas on the menu, you get a T-shirt. I want that T-shirt!.

We hung around for awhile after eating, played some pool and I picked up my new favourite stubby holder -

We said goodbye to the Commercial Hotel and headed back to Melbourne, doing a pub crawl on the way home through some of the greatest pubs I have been to in quite some time. A shoutout goes to the Shamrock Hotel (Alexandra), The Molesworth Hotel (Molesworth), The Yarck Hotel (Yarck), The Country Club Hotel (Yea) and the Royal Mail Hotel (Whittlesea) for keeping us entertained on the drive home, And yes, we will be back one day to try all your parmas as well.

Does the Commercial Hotel deserve all the hype? For sure.

Is it worth the drive to Alexandra just for a parma? Definitely.

Is the search still on for the perfect parma? Absolutely.

We’ve already downed 361 and a half chickens. Let that be a warning for all the other chooks in Australia…

We’re coming for you.

Parma - 8.01

Chips - 8.07

Salad - 8.04

Value - 8.00

Total - 8.06

The search continues…

Attempt #99 - 'Young & Jackson'

[info]

When? – 31/05/2012

Where? – Young & Jackson (Y&Js Cafe) Corner Swanston & Flinders St. Melbourne

Price? - $22.00

Website? - youngandjackson.com.au

Reviewers – Cale, Lee, Ness, Nikki, Pat, Tony[/info]

Young & Jackson is a pub that needs no introduction, I’d go as far as to say it’s Melbourne’s most well known pub - supporting this claim is the fact that I hinted on the Parma Daze Facebook page a couple of days ago that we were “going to that pub that everyone knows” … I thought it was cryptic, but commenters guessed the location in about 2 minutes flat. Surely a pub with such a high profile must have a quality parma? The signature dish for pubs all over this great country?

Situated in the corner of Flinders and Swanston St and adorned with an electronic billboard that puts Times Square to shame, Young & Jackson is a hard pub to miss, Inside you have lots of options, on the ground floor there is the main bar, the back bar and Y&J’s cafe which serves pub food and smaller meals. The next floor up has more of a cocktail lounge vibe, with couches and ‘Chloe’s Restaurant’ - a more lah-dee-dah affair that doesn’t have a parma on the menu. Finally on the floor above that there is the rooftop cider bar, an awesomely decked out spot that is a must for any Cider lover … but we’ll get there later, lets start with the parma.

Of all the rooms in Y&J’s, the cafe on the bottom floor was the only spot we could find a parma on the menu

We placed our order, grabbed a pint and took a seat. It’s worth noting that the largest table in the room was for 6 people, and they don’t take bookings in advance at the Y&J Cafe, so if you have a group of more than 6 you’ll either be splitting up or you’ll probably be missing out. They take advanced bookings at Chloe’s Restaurant upstairs, but (as mentioned earlier) there is no parma on the menu up there.

Before too long our parmas appeared -

The parma was … hmm .. well. Hard to describe. The schnitzel was thick enough, however the crumbs were quite thick and flaked off the chicken as soon as the knife pierced them. The quality of the crumbs made me suspect processed chicken, but the thickness of the chicken itself made me think otherwise. The final verdict was a processed schnitzel, but a high grade processed schnitzel.

The cheese only covered the spot where the ham sat, and some slippery ham led to slippery cheese, leaving a large part of the schnitzel nude to the world. The dominant flavour of the meal was probably the napoli, which had been loaded with pepper. There was a heap of cheese but it was all flavourless mozzarella (no sign of the parmesan mentioned on the menu) and I wouldn’t have known the ham was there if I couldn’t see it, added no flavour whatsoever.

[youtube id="707dURVOBkU" width="580" height="337"]

The chips were standard out-of-the-bag frozen pub chips, unsalted and bland. They had two saving graces - 1) there was a buttload of them, and 2) each plate came with an individual sauce pot, always points for a sauce pot.

The salad was, in a word, terrible. Garden salad of lettuce, tomato, cucumber, a couple of snow peas and bean sprouts… Lots of bean sprouts. There was no dressing to speak of other than a splash of oil and every mouthful was just an overload of bean sprouts - they dominated the whole salad and majorly overpowered it.

For one of the highest profile pubs in the state, the parma at Young & Jackson was a major disappointment. It seems they put all of their culinary efforts into Chloe’s Restaurant upstairs, and the pub meals down below have fallen by the wayside.

Post parma we headed upstairs to the cider bar - I’m a sucker for a good beer garden, and this is a fantastic spot, more ciders on tap than you can poke a stick at, great view of the city and plenty of room to move (granted it was 8 o’clock on a Thursday when we were there). To be fair, the whole pub is a pretty decent spot, I’ve had quite a few great nights there myself and their service slinging pints is hard to fault, which is why its such a disappointment that their parma was a let down … I expected more.

Parma - 4.83

Chips - 5.00

Salad - 3.25

Value - 4.00

Total - 4.39

The search continues…

#98 - 'The Great Northern Hotel'

When? – 24/05/12

Where? – 644 Rathdowne St. Carlton North

Price? - $20

Website? - http://www.gnh.net.au/

Reviewers – Emma, Lee & Stefo

UPDATE 28/02/19 - WE REVISITED THE GNH! CHECK OUT THE UPDATED REVIEW HERE

Rather than catch a cab to this weeks parma, I had the bright idea of catching public transport. Not knowing much of the Melbourne tram network beyond Route 59, I jumped on the tram from Essendon, tried a few times to swipe my MyKi before it successfully read, then hopped off at Flemington rd and walked up through Royal Park, past the Zoo and into Carlton North. This would have been an awesome idea had it been a few months ago, before it was dark by 6:15 and a few degrees warmer, However it turns out that I’m an idiot. It was pitch black in the park and friggin freezing.. how glad I was when I finally opened the door to the warm and cosy Great Northern Hotel.

I grabbed a pint and waited for the rest of the review team to arrive, This was definitely a pub I could warm to (puns are fun!) The exposed brick and wood interior just felt inviting, and the combination of a pool table, friendly staff, coat hooks on the walls and the extremely entertaining bulldog that let himself in and walked around like he owned the place just made this a pub that you’d be blessed to call your local. Not to mention the fantastic range of constantly rotating craft beers on tap, this was a good pub.

The other reviewers arrived and we took a seat in the bistro, had a giggle at the ‘please don’t feed the dog’ sign and ordered our parmas - it was clear the dog knew what was going on, as he could be seen wandering from table to table looking for a stray chip, it was obvious that a lot of people ignored the sign in favour of the adorable mutt.

We ordered our meals and took our seats, despite the tempting offer of veggies and baked potato, everyone in attendance went with the classic chips and salad option.

Not long after we ordered three amazing looking plates of food landed at the tables in front of us, however what landed was a table of steaks, not parmas - the staff simply got the wrong table and the mix up was rectified instantly, but damn those steaks looked amazing, for a brief moment I wished I was writing for “Steak Daze”, but alas that was not the case. Moments later the parmas arrived…

The parma may look small in the photo but it is definitely an optical illusion caused by the massive square plate the food was sitting on, lots of white plate is usually a bad sign, however this kept all the elements nice and seperate - no soggy chips for us!.

The chicken was real unprocessed chicken, however it was slightly dry and at times a bit difficult to cut, the crumbs were a tad soggy and it could have had a bit more heat in it when it was served, however those are my only criticisms. The toppings were a delight, with the perfect napoli to cheese to ham ratio adding tremendous flavour to the dish (especially the ham) the toppings definitely saved this one.

The chips were fantastic, not quite as good as last weeks Bad Boy’s, but damn close. A massive pile of perfectly cooked and seasoned beer battered fries, I normally have no problems cleaning my plate but this week I was full before I got to the end of my chips - and despite being full to the point of feeling sick I kept forcing those beer battered beauties down, I felt guilty letting them go to waste.

The salad was in a seperate bowl, and for a garden salad was pretty good (I’m just realising how much this parma has in common with last week’s review… interesting!) Cucumber, lettuce, onion, tomato, carrot and balsamic, the usual suspects really, but they were put together well and complimented the meal with gusto.

I love this pub, I’ll be back soon for one of those amazing looking steaks and to check out the newest selection of brews on tap. They run a $12 parma night Monday nights which is very tempting, a lot of the parma’s shortcomings can be overlooked at a price like that.

On the way out we went through the back, and I was stunned - this quiet, unassuming pub is hiding one of (if not the best) beer gardens I have seen in Melbourne, absolutely amazing with plenty of seating, separate bar and an abundance of TV and projector screens. beautifully renovated its the perfect spot to catch the footy on a weekend afternoon. Check it out before everyone else catches on.

Parma - 6.33

Chips - 9.17

Salad - 6.33

Value - 5.67

Total - 6.77

The search continues…

Attempt #97 - 'The Mail Exchange Hotel'

[info]

When? – 17/05/12

Where? – The Mail Exchange Hotel, Corner Spencer & Bourke St. Melbourne

Price? - $21

Website? - http://www.mailexchangehotel.com.au/

Reviewers – Adam, Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony[/info]

I hope you all appreciate the time I am taking out of Diablo 3 to write up this review. You’re lucky I’m kind enough to put important things aside and instead write about chicken parmas. The things I do for you.

We had a few options for venues this week, we had whittled the potential candidates down to three (the other two will remain nameless, as they are in the crosshairs for next week). To make the final descision I checked out the menus on the different pub’s websites. One thing caught my eye, and that thing was Bad Boy Chips…

What are bad boy chips? No idea. Curiosity got the best of me and we scheduled parma night at the Southern Cross station adjacent Mail Exchange Hotel.

The Mail Exchange is an impressive pub. Any pub that has escalators is automatically impressive in my book! The place is huge, with a TAB and pokies area that rivals Crown Casino on the right (actually the whole pub wouldn’t look out of place if it were a level of Crown), Bistro and lounge area, complete with bookshelf filled with old books on the left, and a massive standing/drinking area in the middle. A lot of money has been sunk into the refurbishment of this place and it definitely shows.

We moved into the bistro, had a quick garlic bread while awaiting the rest of the review team, then once everyone arrived we ordered our parmas - we were asked specifically if we wanted salad with it, we all said yes (and checked the bill afterwards, there is no extra charge for the salad).

I’ll get to the Bad Boy Chips in a minute, first the parma. It was real, unprocessed chicken breast, thick and juicy - unfortunately mine was a little cold by the time it made it to the table. Well, “cold” is a very strong term - it wasn’t hot. it had obviously been sitting for a bit. There was plenty of topping on the schnitzel and the trio (ham, cheese and napoli) all carried a great flavour, my only other complaint would be that the crumbing on the bottom of the parma was a bit soggy - a personal preference really, sometimes a bit of sog is benificial.

[youtube id="MEsrnseqVhU" width="580" height="337"]

Now, to the bad boy chips. In short, they were amazing. Massively thick cut chips, in beer batter. Hot, perfectly crispy on the outside and so impossibly light and fluffy on the inside it was like you were eating two different chips. My only (minor) criticism would be that they weren’t seasoned very well, however a salt shaker on the table made short work of that issue. A triumph of the chip world, and possibly the best we have had on our search so far (if only they came with a dipping sauce, some garlic aoli would be perfection)

The garden salad was served in a separate bowl, which is always a plus. It contained lettuce, onion, cucumber, capsicum and tomato with a healthy splash of balsamic dressing. As far as garden salads go, it was great. I just wish pubs would realise that there are other salads that go so well with a parma (potato salad, pasta salad, coleslaw etc)

Rose Tattoo sang “I’m a bad boy for love” well I’m a bad boy for bad boy chips, A slightly above average parma was saved by a truly amazing side that I would definitely be back for. Maybe Angry Anderson wouldn’t be so angry if he got some of those bad boys in him, Then he’d just be Satisfied Anderson.

As for the Mail Exchange, it was a decent pub - the staff were friendly and eager to help and if you don’t mind some really obtrusive pokies then its a great venue. If I had to find fault I would say that the beer selection leaves something to be desired (standard big brewery selection, nothing in the way of microbrews). However I would definitely be back, if just for a bowl of bad boys and a pint.

Parma - 6.50

Chips - 9.00

Salad - 7.08

Value - 6.83

Total - 7.18

The search continues…

Attempt #96 - 'Three Crowns Hotel'

[info]

When? – 10/05/2012

Where? – Three Crowns Hotel. 365 Victoria St, West Melbourne

Price? - $17 (for chicken, $18.50 for veal)

Website? - http://www.facebook.com/threecrownshotel

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony[/info]

This review is now out of date, we revisited the Three Crowns in june 2015, Click here to read the updated review!

I may have mentioned it before, but one of my favourite spots in Melbourne to grab a drink is Rrose bar, in Errol St. North Melbourne (or is it West Melbourne? I’m never too sure which is which) It’s a cozy little pub with some of the best cocktails in the city.

Unfortunately, the food at Rrose is strictly tapas, so they couldn’t help us on the search for Melbourne’s best parma, but on the multiple times I have staggered out of the door in the wee hours of the morning my eyes have fallen on the Three Crowns Hotel. Having never really given it a go (as an establishment for drinking or eating) I decided that parma number #96 was the perfect opportunity to do just that.

We loaded up the parma bus and headed to the Three Crowns, which (according to the Internet) is most definitely in West Melbourne.

The front bar of three crowns is damn cosy and seemingly recently renovated, a great selection of beers both on tap and in bottle make this a very inviting spot to stop in for a pint. We moved through the main bar to the dining area which was also very aesthetically pleasing, stopping to have a glance at the adjoined beer garden, which while being a tad small would make a great spot to enjoy a brew on a warm sunday arvo.

I couldn’t find a menu for Three Crowns before we left, and took a punt that they actually had a parma available - punt paid off and parma was on the menu -

A couple of choices - Chicken or Veal, we have yet to review a veal parma, so chicken is the standard. Not that we have anything against veal, Meat is murder. tasty, tasty murder.

The second option was ‘Chunky chips and salad’ or veggies and mash, Reviewer Nikki went for the latter while the other four of us opted for the chunky chips. I like my chips like I like my women - Chunky, spicy and next to a parma.

There was a bit of a wait at the table before we were served, and a decent wait before the parmas arrived -

When the parma hit the table it looked fresh and delicious, but looks can be deceiving. First of all the whole meal was very small, a small island of food in an ocean of porcelain. There was a bit of curly ham atop the parma which exposed a a fair bit of nude schnitz underneath, and revealed a few burnt patches in contrast to the non-burnt parts of the schnitzel that looked soggy and undercooked.

The chicken itself was fresh and unprocessed, however it didn’t carry any flavour - the whole parma (chicken, crumbs, ham and cheese) was rather bland - with the exception of the napoli sauce, which seemed to be the only part of the dish that hid the ashen taste of the burnt patches of the schnitzel

[youtube id="7lKGDlG2Rl8" width="580" height="337"]

The “chunky chips” were a bit of a disappointment, as they were just standard pub chips, nothing standout at all and a very small serving, gone in minutes.

The salad (lettuce, carrot, cucumber, sprouts & tomato with a creamy dressing) was actually pretty tasty, but much like the chips and parma, was in far too small of a serving to register as anything special.

It was a small parma, plain and simple - normally the ParmaCam runs for about 13 - 14 minutes while we eat, and I speed that up 1000% in post to give it a reasonable running time of about a minute and a half. This week, however, I only had to speed up the footage 500% to get the same minute and a half running time.

The Three Crowns hotel is a beautifully renovated pub, and some of the other meals I saw coming out of the kitchen looked great but I would give the parma a miss. It has the elements of a great dish with a good quality, unprocessed bird, however something is being lost in translation from chicken to parma.

They run a $15 parma night on Friday which would make the small serving size a tad easier to swallow, however in an area like West Melbourne with so many great parmas nearby  (here, here and here for example) It simply just doesn’t cut it.

Parma - 4.50

Chips - 4.20

Salad - 4.30

Value - 4.60

Total - 4.42

The search continues…

Attempt #95 - 'Smoken Joe's'

When? – 03/05/2012

Where? – Smoken Joe’s. 680 Mount Alexander Road, Moonee Ponds

Price? - $21.90

Website? - http://www.smokenjoes.com.au/

Reviewers – Lee, Nikki, Pat, Stefo & Tony

**EDIT - Smoken Joes has permanently closed, so this parma is no longer available.

Smoken Joe’s is one of those places we have heard about many times, even in the Jimmy Rowes days there was talk that the parma at Joe’s was so amazingly huge that it was an effort to finish.

We had organised to visit Smoken Joe’s two weeks before, but got a last minute call from the restaurant saying that they had a problem with the kitchen and were unable to fulfill our reservation. No dramas, we headed up the road to the North Suburban and had ourselves a rather tasty parma… But we hadn’t forgotten about Joe’s.

We gave it a couple of weeks to let them get everything sorted out and headed down, Parking in Mount Alexander road can be a bitch at the best of times, so it took us some time to find a spot, but we eventually made it inside. The exposed brick walls, worn wooden floorboards, general decor and architecture of Smoken Joe’s bares a striking resemblance to that of Jimmies in its heyday, so we were all hoping the parma would be just as good.

We sat at our table and checked the menu, we had some choices- Parma was standard however there were quite a few options for sides, the easiest way to explain would be from the menu itself, and I’m quite lazy, so I love when things are easy-

Most everyone went with the classic chips and salad, Reviewer Pat (always the risk taker) went with the Mash and Veggies.

It was a decent wait, but our parmas arrived…

The parma, as expected, was pretty damn big… a large parma with a very thick unprocessed chicken breast, rumors of the size of this parma weren’t exaggerated (The photo above was taken of my parma, and mine was the smallest on the table by a fair margin)

Topping the schnitzel was the standard cheese and napoli, yet no ham to speak of. The parma had the potential to be great, however the biggest issue (which you may be able to tell from the picture) is that the whole thing was quite overcooked.

The nude schnitzel around the edges exposed what were some rather dark crumbs, which left a ring around the edges of very dry chicken. I was scared that this would be the case with the whole parma however once I made it to the middle (under the area covered with cheese) the chicken made a recovery and turned out being quite tasty. The cheese did its job well, despite also being overcooked, however there was a bit of a shortage of napoli - again leading to the opinion that this was a dry parma.

Hiding under the parmage was a very healthy serving of McDonalds style french fries, normally my first action when getting a parma is rescuing the chips from becoming a mushy mess underneath the heat of the meal as I eat (a lot of people will complain about the parma being on top of the chips, but its really a necessary evil - would you prefer less chips and parma so everything fit on the plate?).

Unfortunately the sheer size of both the mountain of chips and the parma meant that many of the chips couldn’t be rescued, and despite being well salted and cooked, a few of them ended up steamed to mush before I had enough room on the plate to maneuver them out, however the fact that there were so many chips meant that more than enough were fine for consumption. As far as french fries go, they were great - yet as far as chips in general go, they were just fine (french fries rarely ever do it for us - the chunkier the better!)

Not to be outshone, there was a humungous heaping of salad accompanying the meal. A garden salad of Lettuce, carrot, cucumber & sprouts that was definitely a struggle to finish by the end of the meal as I was well and truly full by this point. The decent squirt of dressing atop the salad would have been suitable for one of a regular size, however a salad of mammoth proportions such as this required just a little more to cover the whole thing, the last few leaves of lettuce were bone dry.

By now, if you read this blog on a regular basis, you would know that for the past ten weeks or so I have been filming the parma as we consume for the ParmaCam, which you saw above. Now to achieve the ParmaCam, once the parmas arrive I set up my iPhone on a little tripod that looks something like this -

Pointed firmly at the parma, I hit record, then eat. Simple, haven’t had a problem yet - until our review at Smoken Joe’s, when I’m pretty sure that after seeing the tripod and me taking notes as I ate, they cottoned on to the fact that they were getting reviewed (one staff member even asked “are you guys making a movie?”. Luckily the parmas were already out by the time this happened, but once the staff clocked the equipment on the table the level of service we received increased tenfold (checking if we needed anything, clearing of glasses, the aforementioned tomato sauce bottle appearing, etc.)

Didn’t really effect the review at all, but we did have a giggle about it, as its not often people catch on to what we are doing until after we leave our calling cards.

The Smoken Joe’s parma has all the makings of a great one, Unfortunately I think we caught them on an off night and a “great” parma slipped down the ratings to an “okay” one. Not bad by any sense of the word, but at the same time not one I’ll be running back to any time soon. They do offer a $15 parma Tuesday that is worth mentioning, so If you are in the area on a Tuesday night and want a cheap meal that you definitely won’t walk away from hungry, Smoken Joe’s is worth checking out.

Parma - 5.40

Chips - 4.60

Salad - 5.00

Value - 6.20

Total - 5.32

The search continues…

One more thing before I go - if you are free this Wednesday Night down to the Albion in Port Melbourne and watch ‘Hungry Haydo’ smash a Triple Parma!

Haydo can down the Albion’s double parma in under 5 minutes!, so the triple parma attempt will be something to behold!

If you forget what the Albion’s triple parma looked like you can check it out here 

It’s all for prostate cancer awareness so come on down!!

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