Attempt #108 - 'Transport'


When? – 2/8/2012

Where? – Transport. Federation Square.

Price? - $23.90

Website? -

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Pat, Stefo, Tony[/info]

**EDIT** - We revisited Transport in 2016 for a Redo. Has it gotten any better? Find out here!

In theory, Transport is a pub that goes against everything that I like about pubs.

I like wood, I like open fires, I like coat hooks and pub dogs, I like a pub that has a soul and a story to tell. Transport’s soulless slabs of grey concrete finished with glass and stainless steel is the absolute antithesis of everything I like about a pub, and yet I have had many a good drinking sesh within its walls - the fantastic range of horribly overpriced beers definitely help quell any protests I might have.

Since our parma at Young & Jackson, just across the road from fed square, Transport has been on my mind, I had heard good things about their steaks and sliders so hopefully their parma would be just as impressive!

Earlier in the day I called and attempted to make a booking but was informed that they didn’t reserve tables downstairs (the restaurant known as ‘Taxi’ upstairs did take bookings but their menu has a much more asian influence, and no parma). Although it was ‘$2 Taco night’ we decided to test our luck, which wound up putting us outside, just far enough away from a patio heater to see the flames, yet experience no warmth.

We checked the menu, and there she was…

We went to the bar, placed our order and were given one of those ‘boomerang’ beepers that light up and beep when it was time to collect our meals. I think it’s the kid in me, but I really enjoy these things, when they finally go off it feels like you’ve won Tattslotto.

The boomerang beeped, I went to collect, and quickly snapped a picture on the cutlery table as it was pretty dark where we sat outside (as you’ll see by the ParmaCam)

Now before I get to the parma, I need to discuss the plate. The teardrop shape of the plate adds greatly to the aesthetic of the parma, at first glance this baby looked amazing! however Transport needs to do away with these plates, which I believe are the plates one is forced to dine on when suffering the eternal torment of hell.

The problem with the design is, due to its curved nature, there is only one point on the plate that you can apply pressure to without the whole thing toppling over, that spot is about the size of a ten cent piece, in the middle of the largest part of the ‘drop’ (from the picture, about where the chips meet the parma. Many chips were lost to the table last night, and it was unanimous across the board that transport needs to do away with these unholy plates.

Now, the chicken.

The chicken breast was thick and unprocessed - Much better than what I was expecting, but thats pretty much where the positives end. The ‘hand crumbing’ tasted more like the parma was dusted with flour before being cooked. The napoli sauce was pasty and tasted burnt. The cheese was far too overpowering and overtook the flavour of the whole dish (apart from the taste of burnt napoli), and although there was a slice of ham on the dish, it’s barely worth mentioning.

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We picked up a bottle of sauce from the condiment station when we collected our parmas, and I’m glad we did. When I first tasted the crinkle cut chips I had a little hope - they seemed freshly cooked, crisp and tasty, however that didn’t last long as the crispiness gave away to oily tastelessness. You know the feeling when you bite into a chip and you get that delicious crunch, then a second later you feel like your mouth is coated in oil? Thats what these were. The sauce definitely saved them but on their own the chips were a major disappointment. And I love crinkle cut chips!

Now I’ve been pretty negative on this review so far… and its about to get a lot worse.

The salad was absolutely terrible. Lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomato and some carrot. hard to go wrong? The whole thing tasted like it had been sitting in a vat of oil for an hour. Not a splash of oil and some balsamic, just pure oil. So much so the cucumber slices had turned into a kind of jelly and dissolved to the touch. There was more oil on this salad than on the entire cast of Jersey Shore. Awful.

For $23.90 this is a very bad parma at a very high price point. I honestly wouldn’t cross the street to try it again.

If I had one positive I would say that I walked away full, Which is probably for the best as “$2 Taco night” is a phrase that should be accompanied with a chorus of angels.

All in all Transport is a pub thats good for a beer and not much else, I can’t speak for the other food but avoid the parma - You’d be better off putting your money on a MyKi, catching public transport away from Transport, and find a pub that serves a much better parma.

Parma - 4.57
Chips - 4.50
Salad - 1.64
Value - 2.57
Total - 3.57

The search continues…

Transport Public Bar on Urbanspoon