Attempt #96 - 'Three Crowns Hotel'


When? – 10/05/2012

Where? – Three Crowns Hotel. 365 Victoria St, West Melbourne

Price? - $17 (for chicken, $18.50 for veal)

Website? -

Reviewers – Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony[/info]

This review is now out of date, we revisited the Three Crowns in june 2015, Click here to read the updated review!

I may have mentioned it before, but one of my favourite spots in Melbourne to grab a drink is Rrose bar, in Errol St. North Melbourne (or is it West Melbourne? I’m never too sure which is which) It’s a cozy little pub with some of the best cocktails in the city.

Unfortunately, the food at Rrose is strictly tapas, so they couldn’t help us on the search for Melbourne’s best parma, but on the multiple times I have staggered out of the door in the wee hours of the morning my eyes have fallen on the Three Crowns Hotel. Having never really given it a go (as an establishment for drinking or eating) I decided that parma number #96 was the perfect opportunity to do just that.

We loaded up the parma bus and headed to the Three Crowns, which (according to the Internet) is most definitely in West Melbourne.

The front bar of three crowns is damn cosy and seemingly recently renovated, a great selection of beers both on tap and in bottle make this a very inviting spot to stop in for a pint. We moved through the main bar to the dining area which was also very aesthetically pleasing, stopping to have a glance at the adjoined beer garden, which while being a tad small would make a great spot to enjoy a brew on a warm sunday arvo.

I couldn’t find a menu for Three Crowns before we left, and took a punt that they actually had a parma available - punt paid off and parma was on the menu -

A couple of choices - Chicken or Veal, we have yet to review a veal parma, so chicken is the standard. Not that we have anything against veal, Meat is murder. tasty, tasty murder.

The second option was ‘Chunky chips and salad’ or veggies and mash, Reviewer Nikki went for the latter while the other four of us opted for the chunky chips. I like my chips like I like my women - Chunky, spicy and next to a parma.

There was a bit of a wait at the table before we were served, and a decent wait before the parmas arrived -

When the parma hit the table it looked fresh and delicious, but looks can be deceiving. First of all the whole meal was very small, a small island of food in an ocean of porcelain. There was a bit of curly ham atop the parma which exposed a a fair bit of nude schnitz underneath, and revealed a few burnt patches in contrast to the non-burnt parts of the schnitzel that looked soggy and undercooked.

The chicken itself was fresh and unprocessed, however it didn’t carry any flavour - the whole parma (chicken, crumbs, ham and cheese) was rather bland - with the exception of the napoli sauce, which seemed to be the only part of the dish that hid the ashen taste of the burnt patches of the schnitzel

[youtube id="7lKGDlG2Rl8" width="580" height="337"]

The “chunky chips” were a bit of a disappointment, as they were just standard pub chips, nothing standout at all and a very small serving, gone in minutes.

The salad (lettuce, carrot, cucumber, sprouts & tomato with a creamy dressing) was actually pretty tasty, but much like the chips and parma, was in far too small of a serving to register as anything special.

It was a small parma, plain and simple - normally the ParmaCam runs for about 13 - 14 minutes while we eat, and I speed that up 1000% in post to give it a reasonable running time of about a minute and a half. This week, however, I only had to speed up the footage 500% to get the same minute and a half running time.

The Three Crowns hotel is a beautifully renovated pub, and some of the other meals I saw coming out of the kitchen looked great but I would give the parma a miss. It has the elements of a great dish with a good quality, unprocessed bird, however something is being lost in translation from chicken to parma.

They run a $15 parma night on Friday which would make the small serving size a tad easier to swallow, however in an area like West Melbourne with so many great parmas nearby  (here, here and here for example) It simply just doesn’t cut it.

Parma - 4.50
Chips - 4.20
Salad - 4.30
Value - 4.60
Total - 4.42

The search continues…