Attempt #184 - 'Iddy Biddy'

[info]When? - 15th of May, 2014

Where? - Iddy Biddy, 35-39 Blessington St. Saint Kilda

Price? - $22.50 regularly, $15 Thursday parma night

Website? - http://www.iddybiddy.com.au/

Reviewers –  Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony [/info]

When it comes to St. Kilda we haven't had a whole lot of luck, With the exception of St. Kilda East all we have come across is a bunch of  "meh, blah, and okay" - nothing has really blown us out of the water.

So when I heard about this pub I was happy to try and put a win for St. Kilda on the board, and just around the corner from Luna Park it was smack-dab in the center.

We heard about the pub through our old mate Brunsy, former frontman for the band that used to play at The Prince of Wales on Saturday nights, and who now has a regular Thursday and Saturday gig at Iddy Biddy. The promise of a good parma and live tunes was too good to pass up! We loaded up the Parma Bus and headed over.

For a pub named 'Iddy Biddy' its actually quite spacious. It definitely keeps a cosy vibe but at no point did I ever feel cramped. Plenty of seating on both sides of the bar, as well as a tonne of table space out the front - a perfect spot for people-watching.

We found a seat around an old school tabletop arcade machine which doubled as our table, this is one of those pubs you could get lost in for hours. Open fire, wooden tables, massive leather couches that you just sink into with a cold pint, just my kind of place.

Now as for the menu there are usually two options, a $22.50 regular parma and a $24 mexican -

However Thursday night at Iddy Biddy is Parma Night, dropping the price down to $15 (bonus!) as well as throwing in a few beer specials...

We ordered our meals at the bar, kicked back, took in some live tunes and awaited our parmas arrival. Before too long at all my game of Frogger was interrupted by four parmas hitting the table...

First thought - massive. The biggest parma we've seen in some time. You'd think with a parma this big for $15 it'd be a processed piece of crap but amazingly this was pure chicken breast. I'm not sure what kind of mutant mega-chook was used to make this particular breast, but real chicken it was.

It eclipsed the whole plate (if you weren't paying attention it could easily be confused with a small cheese pizza) there are chips and salad under there, but we'll get to those in a minute. The chicken breast itself was pure white, juicy and flavourful - a little ironic that a joint called "Iddy Biddy" serves up a schnitzel bigger than my head (and to those who haven't met me, I've got a big head. Huge.)

Normally with a parma this size you run into what we have dubbed "Big Parma Syndrome", which occurs when a parma has size but falls short on flavour. Fortunately for Iddy Biddy this was not the case. Even though the parma was massive there was 100% topping coverage.

Plenty of perfectly grilled cheese, The napoli was flavourful and well seasoned and the ham carried a wonderful smokey flavour throughout the dish. I struggled to finish this parma purely due to its size, but at no point did it feel like a chore to get down, every bite was interesting - No BPS here.

Now, the downfall in having a parma this big is that it absolutely covered the chips. I go out of my way in these reviews to not bring up the "parma on the chips" complaint - its cliché and played out at this point. 90% of the time as soon as your parma hits the table you can scrape the chips out from underneath. It's not a huge drama.

However.

With a parma this size it was absolutely impossible to rescue them before downing at least half of the schnitzel, which really did leave what started as a good chip (pub chip, well cooked and seasoned) in a bit of a soggy mess by the time we could get to them. Parmas this big need separate bowls for the sides, as not even the salad could completely escape the sweaty prison of this godzilla of parmas.

Other than that the salad was decent - nothing amazing, standard garden salad of lettuce, tomato, onion, cucumber and a pretty tasty dressing. It did the job. However I eat my salad last, so most of my greens were hot by the time I got to them, having sat under the parma for so long. I say again, separate bowls.

I nitpicked a lot at the end there, but I'll clarify - If we didn't go to a different pub for a parma every Thursday I would be here quite often. $15 for what we were served is amazing value, probably one of the best value parma night's we have ever come across and I will be recommending this one to people looking for a Thursday parma night for a long time to come. I'd happily travel from the other side of town for this parma night, even the full price of $22.50 is reasonable - there's no chance you will walk away hungry, and the staff even offered take-away containers to those of us who couldn't finish.

To me Iddy Biddy is a tick in every box. Cosy pub, great atmosphere, quality live tunes and solid grub. I'll be back to Iddy Biddy - I could easily see myself losing a couple of hours on the tables out the front on a fine Saturday arvo. Apart from a couple of issues with the sides I have no qualms recommending checking this place out.

[pros]

• Massive, Tasty parma.
• only $15 on Thursdays (and drink specials)

[/pros][cons]

• Size of the parma killed all of the sides.

[/cons]

Parma - 8.03

Chips - 6.10

Salad - 4.75

Value - 8.93

Total - 7.17

The search continues...

Attempt #183 - 'The Metropolitan'

[info]When? - 8th of May, 2014

Where? - The Metropolitan, 263 William St. Melbourne

Price? - $17.50

Website? - http://themetropolitanhotel.com.au/

Reviewers –  Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony [/info]

I realised while eating Tuesday's cooking experiment that I had unwittingly signed myself up for three parmas in a week this week. First was the aforementioned Tater Tot & Bacon Parma, then was this review parma at The Metropolitan, followed by a bucks party on Saturday night where we are going out for ... you guessed it! Parmas. Look's like I'll be hitting the gym on Sunday.

The Metropolitan is one of those pubs that I've walked past hundreds of times, but never really 'clicked' that we should try the parma there. There is another Metropolitan in North Melbourne, unaffiliated (as far as I know) with this one who serves up a damn good bird - I guess when we decided on this pub I was hoping that some of the mojo from that Metropolitan would rub off on this one. I suppose time would tell.

On arrival the Metropolitan was abuzz with activity, unbeknownst to us Thursday night is Trivia night from 6:30, we didn't partake but those who did seemed to be having a damn good time.

First up are some beer specials that I should cover. Aside from the trivia, Thursday also offers $14 jugs of Boags (until 8) and $9 Heineken pints (till 7). I partook in both, and both were delightful - on the palate and my wallet. Also each the fonts (the bit that the tap is attached too) were made from exquisitely carved pieces of wood, which were frosting up with ice (as fonts tend to do) - I'd never seen anything like it in the past and thought it was worthy of a picture -

Once the group arrived we took our seats and spied the menu -

Good start! From the description alone I figured we were in for a quality meal, all the elements of a good parma were in front of us in black and white - and for $17.50 it was as pleasing to my wallet as the $14 jugs of Boags. We placed our orders and waited for the parmas to arrive, listening in on the Trivia in the next room. (although the only question I can remember now was "who was known as the backpacker murderer")

Before too long (about 3/4 of a pot from my Boags jug) the parmas arrived...

My first impression (apart from the shocking nudity and burnt edges) was that the schnitzel itself was pretty thick, small in circumference, but well over and inch in thickness - It didn't look great on the outside but I had high hopes that it could redeem itself. You can't judge a book by its cover.

Until I cut into it, then you realise sometimes a book's cover pretty accurately describes what will happen in the book.

The schnitzel was thick, this is true, but 30 percent of its thickness came from the crumbs - the thick, doughy crumbs that are the hallmark of processed schnitzel.

Deep fried and overcooked, once you cut into it the crumbs would remain in the same position while the chicken fell away, leaving a perfect parma-shaped hollow shell. Other than its thickness (which I will admit that even without the XXL crumbing was thicker than your standard schnitty) I really have nothing positive to say about the schnitzel. Off to a bad start.

The toppings, unfortunately, weren't much better. There was plenty of ham, which I did like, so much so that it was doubled-over on top of the parma - but there wasn't nearly enough cheese or napoli coverage short of a small dollop in the center. Out of the full dish I'd say that only 50% of its surface area was topped with every element that would make it a "parma".

Despite being listed on the menu as "beer battered", the supplied chips were nothing of the sort. Standard unseasoned pub chips. If they had've advertised them as regular chips they would have been okay, however promising beer battered chips and not delivering definitely lost them some points.

The salad was actually pretty decent. Best part of the meal. Just a garden salad, however all the ingredients were fresh - lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomato with a rich creamy dressing and not skimpy on the good stuff. I eat my salad last, and the non-horribleness of the greens perked my mood up a little after the parma.

In a world where its hard to find a parma under $20 I was happy to see that this one only ran $17.50, however after eating it I feel like that was far too expensive.

There's a $15 "parmas of the world" Monday that you could check out if you wanted, maybe the novelty toppings could help hide some of this parmas sins, but do so at your own risk - I wouldn't recommend it.

I walked out of The Metropolitan sad as I loved this pubs vibe. It's got a great atmosphere, cheap drinks and a (seemingly) awesome trivia night - other than the food it's a tick in every box! Unfortunately the parmas are what you're here to read about and to be honest I doubt you'll find me at this pub again, there are just too many better options in this area of the CBD to tolerate this kind've effort.

[pros]

• The salad wasn't terrible

[/pros][cons]

• Burnt, processed schnitzel with horribly thick crumbs
• Not nearly enough toppings to cover the schnitzel
• Menu promised beer battered chips which were not delivered

[/cons]

Parma - 2.00

Chips - 3.20

Salad - 4.40

Value - 4.40

Total - 3.20

The search continues...

Cooking with Parma Daze #5 - 'Tater tot & bacon parma'

Here at Parma Daze I like to think we have our social media bases covered. We've got a Facebook, a Twitter, a Pinterest, an Instagram, a YouTube channel and a tinder. Wait. Scratch that last one.

"But PD!" I hear you saying "I still don't feel connected enough to your site and all of your parmish escapades!"

Well, dear reader, I have you covered, as this week marked the launch of the Chicken Parma Subreddit. An open forum on Reddit, the self proclaimed "front page of the internet" where you can go and talk parmas. It isn't Parma Daze specific at all, so feel free to check it out and contribute! My hope is for it to become a hub of conversation on all things parmigiana. Recommendations, tips on good parma deals, the works.

Not long after launching the sub a user by the name of Stinx2001 posted something that caught my eye...

You can have a look at the original post by clicking this link, but here is a bigger version of the image in that thumbnail...

Bacon AND tater tots?

The post quickly shot up to the top of the subreddit, There was no question, I needed this parma inside of me.

Luckily Stinx2001 was kind enough to post his recipe in the comments -

I visited the supermarket, got stocked up on supplies and hit the kitchen.

As with all "Cooking with Parma Daze" posts, this is gonna be very photo-heavy, so prepare thy bandwidth (although If you've read this far the pictures have probably already loaded. Oh well!)

Now a couple of parma-specific products have appeared in the supermarket lately, so what better time to give them a go?

I was scared of that Chicken Tonight parmigiana cooking sauce - it looked too orange to be good on a parma.

But, as per the recipe the Wife was out for the night, so I got to cooking. (cue lots of photos...)

1. Cook potato gems in oven as per packet -

Check.

2. Flatten two chicken breasts, bread/crumb, cook in frying pan with butter and oil

Check.

Check.

3. Cook bacon

Check.

4. Once cooked, place Napoli (ideally home made, mine was from a jar), cooked bacon, and potato gems on top of chicken

Check.

Checkitty.

Check Check Check.

5. Add a stupid amount of different cheeses on top (I just had the one coon "parma blend", but I did use a stupid amount, a.k.a the whole packet)

Check.

6. Place under grill until cheese is at your preferred meltedness.

Check! (lost a bit of the stupid amount of cheese on the bottom of the pan, not to worry though, plenty survived)

All done! I plated it up...

It looked good. Out of all the home made parmas I've done for the site this is one that I've looked forward to tucking into the most. There were some extra tater tots, So I just used them as a side (I've mentioned it before, but tater tots go really well as a side to a parma!)

Verdict? It was awesome. The bacon, the cheese, the potato ... it all married together perfectly! If they have yet to award this years MacArthur Genius Grant then my vote is for Stinx2001 - lets throw the Nobel Peace Prize to him as well, he deserves it.

As for the parma-specific products used? The Coon parma cheese was great. It was grated finely, soft, and melted up perfectly. I should have left it a few more minutes in the grill to get it a little more golden brown on top, but I just couldn't wait that long - I'd definitely give it another go.

The Chicken Tonight napoli? Meh. It was okay, but the orange colour was very off-putting. It did its job and I can't really complain, but at no time did it stand out at all (although to be fair there were quite a few distractions on this particular parma). I've still got 90% of the jar left in my fridge, to be honest I'll probably end up tipping it on pasta after getting home from the pub on Sunday morning - and it'll probably work quite well.

Massive thanks to Stinx2001 for the recipe. You're my hero.

I'm calling this one an unmitigated success! If you want to stay up to date with awesome user-submitted discoveries like this be sure to have a gander at the new Chicken Parma Subreddit, and if you've got your own technique for a homemade parma, why not post it over there yourself!

I look forward to watching this community grow, I think its got a lot of potential and have high hopes for the future!

Attempt #182 - 'Gabri'

[info]When? - 30th of April, 2014

Where? - Gabri, 43-49 Lygon Street, Brunswick East

Price? - $14.90 with a pot. Parma only available Wednesdays.

Website? - http://www.gabrirestaurant.com.au/

Reviewers –  Daniel, Ella, Fridge, Kylie, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Shanan, Stefo [/info]

** NOTE - This pub has closed! Parma no longer available - Review will stay up for posterity. Enjoy!

When we first started Parma Daze our regular weekly parma night was not Thursday as it is today, but 24 hours previous - on Wednesday. For the life of me I can't remember when or why we switched things to Thursday night, but it has been that way for quite some time. I like Thursday nights, I'm adjusted to it - When Thursday night parmas rolls around it kicks off the wind-down to the weekend (because lets face it, nobody does any real work on a Friday anyway).

The problem with parmas on a Thursday is that we miss out on a lot of special parma nights. Back in the Jimmies days Wednesday night was parma night - you couldn't get the parma any other time (Sunday nights maybe, but Wednesday was the night). Early - mid week is the most common time for pubs to throw on a parma night as they know it draws a crowd on an otherwise quiet period.

That is why when I heard Gabri run a Wednesday-only parma night I knew we had to take things old school - So last night we headed out to Brunswick East for Wednesday parma night.

We have been to this building before, back in October 2010 we visited 43-49 Lygon St. when it was known as "Crooners". They put on a decent bird from what I remember, So I was keen to see what their successor plated up.

We arrived at parma night - I panicked a little initially as there was no signage that it actually was parma night, and with no parma on the regular menu I was a little scared we would walk out parma-less - No dramas though, as once I asked if it indeed was parma Wednesday we were presented with a parma-centric menu...

Some tantalising choices! This parma night had gotten off on the right food with value like that, lets just hope the quality of the parma backed it up. Being a purist (and needing someone to get the standard parma, as a baseline) I opted for the "English virginia ham parma", The most popular parma of the group was the "Texas meat lovers parma" (ham, bacon AND salami - hard to blame them) and there were a couple of South Yarra Yuppies and a Mexican in the mix as well.

Nine parmas at once is a big order, so when the clock ticked past half an hour after ordering I wasn't too concerned. I had just finished my free pot when they started filing out of the kitchen -

Now the following comments apply to my parma, as there was some inconsistencies around the table that I will cover later. Much like the parma at Crooners my schnitzel, while massive, actually consisted of several (around three) smaller schnitzels fuzed together with cheese and ham.

As far as schnitzel quality goes it was pretty good. Juicy chicken, medium thickness, and real chicken breast. The crumbs on the other hand weren't and good. Every inch was completely soggy - no crunch at all, It also could have been a little hotter, a common complaint around the table was that the parmas and the chips (more on those in a bit) were bordering on cold.

The toppings, although applied a little haphazardly, were pretty good. For a "standard" parma they didn't skimp on the ham in the slightest, there was plenty of cheese and although most of the napoli had been absorbed into the crumbs it still carried a good flavour.

While this parma was big, with plenty of toppings and quality chicken the flavour just didn't quite do it for me, it was a little bland and suffered from a minor case of Big Parma Syndrome I felt myself wishing I had've opted for a novelty parma to spice things up a bit.

For the sake of completeness below I've posted a photo of the Texas Meat Lovers parma as it was delivered - You will notice that my parma was unique to the meat lovers (and every other parma at the table pretty much) as it is a single piece - not a frankensteins monster of smaller schnitzels cobbled together. I'm not too sure where my opinion stands on this, Sure I'd like to have one solid schnitzel, however my parma was a fair bit bigger than everyone else's. It's a tough call...

The chips were pretty disappointing. If you read Parma Daze often you'll know that I normally don't complain about the parma being presented on top of the chips (a pretty common complaint). I've had enough parmas to know that if you extract the parma from atop the chips when it arrives at the table it really won't affect them all that much. That being said, as my parma wasn't one solid piece I was physically unable to pick the whole thing up without the risk of tearing the toppings off one of the schnitzel bits, So I had to leave the chips under the parma to die a humid, soggy death as I ate.

Standard shoestring fries (aka. "Maccas chips"), unseasoned and lukewarm, all considered they were probably the worst part of the dish. Which is probably for the best, as if the parma was the worst part of the dish this review would have a much angrier tone.

The salad was a mixed bag - served in a separate bowl all the ingredients tasted fresh and crisp - however the bowl was deep, and the good stuff (cucumber and tomato) was only placed on the top, not mixed through the salad - so after the first two bites I was left with a bowl of lettuce. Good to start, boring to finish.

$14.90 with a pot (beer, soft drink or house wine) can forgive a lot of the criticisms I just brought up in the previous eight paragraphs. Remember that the parma doesn't appear on the standard dinner OR lunch menu, so if you want to give it a go you will have to go on Wednesday night. These days a parma under $20 is rare, so under $15 definitely needs some praise. For the price and the size the schnitzel is good quality - I was half expecting a heart-shaped processed monstrosity for $14.90, and was pleasantly surprised to find otherwise - I definitely didn't walk away from the table hungry.

The stars need to align for my recommendation of this parma to work - If you're in Brunswick East on Wednesday night and looking for a decent feed that's easy on the wallet then definitely give Gabri a visit - I'd recommend it with the novelty toppings as the few bites I had of my neighbour's Texas Meat Lovers was more enjoyable than my standard.

We'll be switching back to Thursdays as having a parma Wednesday has thrown my whole week off (it totally feels like Friday today). But I'm definitely not against another Hump-Day parma night should a good deal present itself in the future

[pros]

• Huge parma, decent quality schnitzel
• A bargain at $14.90 with a pot

[/pros][cons]

• Bordering on cold
• Disappointing chips

[/cons]

Parma - 6.50

Chips - 3.22

Salad - 4.44

Value - 7.78

Total - 5.69

The search continues...

Attempt #181 - 'The Imperial South Yarra'

[info]When? - 24th of April, 2014

Where? - The Imperial South Yarra. 522 Chapel St, South Yarra

Price? - $23

Website? - http://imperialsouthyarra.com/

Reviewers –  Cale, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Stefo [/info]

One year ago a friend (and fellow reviewer) posted this photo on my facebook wall -

I promised we would get to it as soon as possible ... but then kind've forgot about it (sorry Janet!).

Until this week! Being in a bit of a drought of good parmas I was craving a good one, I wanted a sure thing and my mind was cast back to when a good looking parma was posted to my facebook - I tracked it down, worked out where it was and the next thing I knew we were walking in the doors of The Imperial South Yarra.

We arrived about half an hour early - luckily that we did because we stumbled on one of the best happy hour's we have seen in some time - Thursday from 5 - 7pm is "$6 Everything" meaning every drink, other than cocktails and bottles of wine, is six bucks. We grabbed ourselves a few 6 buck pints of white rabbit (half price!), took a seat at our table and eyed the menu -

Sounds good! we ordered at the bar and kicked back, discussed the latest episode of Game of Thrones, and waited for our parmas to arrive.

About half a pint later our dinner emerged from the kitchen -

If we rated parmas purely on schnitzel quality this one would be close to a 10 out of ten. Juicy, flavoursome, perfect crispy crumbs and unbelievably thick (check the cross section a little further down). I always say you can judge the overall quality of a parma by how good the schnitzel tastes before you add the toppings - A lot of pubs use the toppings (especially novelty toppings) to cover a sub par schnitz, but if you start with a solid foundation, as The Imperial clearly has, then you're well on the way to being the best.

If I had to make one criticism it would be that some of the parmas around the table were a little overcooked, with one of them having an edge bordering on burnt, but only to a minor degree and not a whole lot to complain about.

After the fantastic schnitzel foundation the toppings, while perfectly good, were a little disappointing. Perhaps I had high expectations but the flavours of all the toppings were a tad muted. The ham was there, but barely detectably in terms on flavour and even the napoli, of which there was plenty, struggled to make itself known. For quite a few mouthfuls all I could taste was schnitzel and cheese - however with such a good schnitzel underneath these minor faults are easily overlooked, I would suggest they switch to a smoked ham to give it a bit more kick in the future.

The chips were the closest thing we've had to perfection in quite some time - narrowly beating out the schnitzel as the star of the dish, they were beer battered beauties - with a fantastic crunch, pre-seasoned with herbs and plenty of salt. They tasted fantastic on their own but as an added bonus each plate was supplied with an individual tomato sauce pot to mix things up. I normally try and find a criticism to level out the review but to be honest I can't think of a single thing I would change about these chips. Fantastic.

The salad was a tough one to judge. The menu advertised it as a "Rocket and parmesan salad" - and that is exactly what we received. The salad was a pile of rocket, some dressing and a whole lot of powdered parmesan. If you read these review often you will know that I'm not a big fan of rocket salads in general, and a salad with rocket as its only vegetable sent alarm bells ringing.

However.

I actually enjoyed it! It wasn't fantastic, the rocket was a little wilted, but there was a heap of tasty dressing and they weren't at all tight with the parmesan - I'm not sure if had enough nutritional value to still qualify as a "salad", but it was a tasty side to the dish - If I could change one thing I would suggest a shift to freshly shaved parmesan, there's just something about powdered parmesan clumped through a salad that just doesn't present well.

For $23 I'd happily return for a parma of this quality. You get what you pay for and this is a parma I'd happily shell out again for. There is a Monday - Friday $15 parma lunch deal that is definitely worth checking out if you work in the area. Not to mention the "$6 for any drink" Thursday happy hour, which is enough to put a smile on any alcoholic's face.

Despite a couple of minor complaints I'd have absolutely no problems recommending Imperial's parma. The next time your wife/girlfriend drags you to a shopping day in Chapel street find a time to excuse yourself from the man-chair by the change rooms and be sure to duck in for a quick parma and pint - you won't be disappointed.

[pros]

• Amazing quality schnitzel
• Near perfect chips

[/pros][cons]

• Toppings slightly flavourless
• Salad a little boring

[/cons]

Parma - 7.80

Chips - 9.40

Salad - 6.20

Value - 7.80

Total - 7.80

The search continues...

Attempt #180 - 'The Courthouse Hotel'

[info]When? - 17th of April, 2014

Where? - The Courthouse Hotel, 86-90 Errol St, North Melbourne

Price? - $22

Website? - http://www.courthouseonerrol.com.au/

Reviewers –  Lee, Tony [/info]

When I first saw The Courthouse a few years ago I immediately thought it looked like a good spot to try a parma - A corner pub on Errol Street in North Melbourne? Surely they would produce a quality bird!

Yet on checking the menu I was saddened - at the time The Courthouse was aiming for a much more "Gastropub" vibe, and there was nothing even close to the humble chicken parma on the menu, disappointed, I put it out of my mind and moved on... Until a few weeks ago when I heard that The Courthouse had new owners.

Could it be? Perhaps the new owners weren't as anti-parma as the previous ones? I checked the menu on the website and was again, disappointed. Nothing. No parmas ... Until I checked the separate "Bar Menu"

Huzzah! Parma sighted. It's not available in the Bistro, but the Bar menu has an aptly named "Good old chicken parma" We loaded up the parma bus and headed to Errol Street.

Upon arrival the pub was bustling with groups of patrons enjoying a knock-off drink, It was busy, but not crowded with plenty of tables available. It's worth noting that the largest table in the bar could fit four people, at a push five, with a heap more intimate options for two or possibly three people. I ordered a pint (Carlton Draught, $9), our parmas ($22) and waited, before long at all (about a quarter of a pint) our meals arrived -

The first thing that struck me was that the Schnitzel looked quite small - there was a lot of empty space on the plate and a pretty small bit of bird in the middle - this was deceiving though, as the bird was actually quite thick, easily making up for any shortcomings in circumference.

The crumbs were crispy, not thickly applied and carried no sogginess, everything was looking up until we got to this parma's biggest shortcoming - It was overcooked.

One edge of this parma was bordering on burnt, and everywhere else had been cooked too long, causing the crumbs to burn and the quality chicken breast inside to dry out. It was disappointing as this was a nice bit of schnitzel, let down by this one issue.

The toppings helped save the dryness of the parma quite well. There was plenty of napoli, tasty cheese and ham that all served their purpose quite well, however lacked any major *oomph* that would make a single ingredient stand out - This parma would have benefited greatly from some smoked ham, as opposed to standard ham, just to add a bit more complexity to the dish.

The chips were fantastic. When I think of great beer battered chips these are what I picture. Perfectly crunchy on the outside giving way to velvety soft pillows of potato inside. Well seasoned, Heaps of them, served beside the parma - A tick in almost every box, any sort of dipping sauce would have made these a 10/10.

The salad was fresh, but a bit boring. Lettuce tossed in oil with some radish slices, cherry tomatoes and a bit of cucumber. To be fair they certainly weren't tight on the cherry tomatoes, but like the toppings on the parma itself there was nothing there that *wow'ed* me.

For $22 I'm not complaining too much about the value this week, I would seek this parma out again, if only for the chips. All the ingredients used in this parma were top notch - no processed schnitzel here, so a price tag of twenty two bucks is more than justified. There are some drink and food specials that it would be worth checking their facebook about - although I didn't see any parma-specific ones at the time of review.

I'm giving the Courthouse the benefit of the doubt on this review, as if this parma was served exactly how we received it, just with five minutes fewer on the stove, it would have been quite good and I'm not going to let what was quite possibly an isolated incident drag the score down too much.

Worth checking out if you're in the area, even if its just for a pint in a pretty cool little pub in North Melbourne.

Court is adjourned.

[pros]

• Quality ingredients
• Great chips

[/pros][cons]

• Dry, overcooked schnitzel

[/cons]

Parma - 6.25

Chips - 8.50

Salad - 6.75

Value - 6.50

Total - 6.85

The search continues...

Attempt #179 - 'The Phoenix Hotel'

[info]When? - 10th of April, 2014

Where? - The Phoenix Hotel, 40 Wallace ave. Point Cook

Price? - $24 (bistro)

Website? - http://thephoenixpointcook.com.au/

Reviewers –  Adam, Cale, Fridge, Lee, Ness, Nikki, Stefo [/info]

First things first, next week is the Good Friday Appeal - if you live in Melbourne it needs no introduction. There is an initiative around Melbourne pubs wherein for the next week starting today (The 11th) until Thursday (The 17th) of April, $2 from every parma sold at one of the participating venues will go straight to the Good Friday Appeal.

So do your part for the kids, check out the list of participating venues here and get a bird in ya for a great cause!

Now ... back to our regularly scheduled program.

We visited The Phoenix at the request of reviewers Cale and Ness, residents of Point Cook that make the trek out to wherever we may be reviewing every week - having just returned from their honeymoon (congrats again guys!) we figured we would give them a break, go to them for once and visit their local - The Phoenix Hotel.

The Phoenix is one of those mega-pubs popping up in the outer suburbs that combines a Sports bar, TAB, bottle'o, pokies venue, function rooms, cafe and bistro into one alcohol-fuelled megaplex. We've visited places like this in the past with varying results, so I was curious to see how things went.

Before heading into the bistro we stopped in for a pint in the sports bar - It was a decent fitout, plenty of TV's, cheap drink specials ($4 coronas on Thursdays) and a mammoth projector screen for important sporting events - Had there been a Thursday night game of footy on this would have been a great place to catch it.

Once the whole crew arrived we migrated across to the bistro. The first thing that struck me about it was the sheer size - it was massive! seating for at least a hundred people and at 7pm on a Thursday it was already quite busy. It's a family friendly venue, with the obligatory kids play room up one end to keep the little one's busy while mummy & daddy enjoy dinner.

We checked the menu - parma sighted.

Before the parmas some pregames were ordered - Arancini balls and Oysters Kilpatrick. I personally didn't partake in either but opinions on the entrees around the table were all positive - a good sign of things to come? Hopefully.

About half a pint later our mains arrived...

The schnitzel was probably the weakest element of the dish. It was unprocessed, real chicken and fresh crumbs, however it was completely soggy, a little dry, really dense and tasted... old, as if it was pre-prepared (just conjecture of course, but that's what it tasted like) Other than that though it was still enjoyable, it was surprisingly filling and I don't think anyone walked away from the table hungry.

The toppings were pretty good for the most part - there was heaps of napoli and ham, however it was a little light on the cheese - another handful would have really helped this parma as at times it felt like I was eating nothing but napoli. The ham carried a great smokey flavour throughout the parma that really complimented the dish, the cheese that was there was just that ... there, nothing much else to report about it.

The chips were fantastic. You might struggle to see them in the photos as they were completely eclipsed by the parma (why I don't know, as there was plenty of empty room on the plate). I can't confirm this as it wasn't listed on the menu, but the chips with the Phoenix parma looked a lot like the famous Bad Boy chips that we first encountered at The Mail Exchange and have been popping up sporadically since then - and whats better than a Bad Boy chip? A surprise Bad Boy chip. I would have loved a few more and they were slightly overcooked, but minor complaints to a fantastic addition to the dish.

The salad was also surprisingly good. Served in a separate bowl with heaps of dressing everything was fresh, crisp and tasty. Yes it was just a standard garden salad, but for what it was it worked well.

$24 for what we got is a little steep, It was an okay parma but for $24 I want something special. I hear there is a cheaper parma over in the sports bar however in that version the Bad Boy chips are swapped out for standard fries. If I found myself at the Phoenix again I would probably find myself giving it another go, however I wouldn't go too far out of my way for the privilege.

The Phoenix is a tough parma to judge. The sides were solid but the parma was a bit 'meh', It wasn't terrible but for the price I was left wanting. There were good elements and bad. The mythological Phoenix from which the pub gets is name is a symbol for reinvention, for shedding off the bad and starting anew - Hopefully The Phoenix Hotel takes a cue from its namesake, makes a few tweaks and bring this parma up to a level worthy of the price.

[pros]

• Bad Boy (or at least Bad Boy-Esque) chips
• Flavourful smoked ham

[/pros][cons]

• Expensive for what it is
• So/so schnitzel quality

[/cons]

Parma - 6.79

Chips - 7.71

Salad - 5.43

Value - 5.64

Total - 6.47

The search continues...

Attempt #178 - Cotta

 

[info]When? - 4th of April, 2014

Where? - Cotta. Crown Casino West End, Southbank.

Price? - $17 for all varieties, 2 & a jug for $24 deal.

Website? - http://www.crownmelbourne.com.au/cotta

Reviewers –  Emma, Fridge, Grace, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Stefo, Tony [/info]

Cotta opened a few months ago as part of Crown Casino's new "West End" renovations, at first it was an ordinary cafe for mid-gambling noms, however a few weeks ago Cotta added some signage to their restaurant, that a keen eyed fan on facebook spotted and alerted us too.

Cotta was no longer just Cotta, Cotta was now "Cotta - Home of the Parma"

Big call. Massive call. We had planned to visit a different pub this week but upon hearing this we dropped our plans and made a beeline for Crown, it was time for Cotta to put their money where their mouths are. Parmas where there mouths are. Parmas where our mouths are. Wow, that sounds dirty.

In my pre-review recon I was on the Cotta website and noticed this deal -

I initially did a double take. Two parmas and a jug ... for $24? Thats a deal that sounds far too good to be true, and not only that, it covers their novelty parma varieties as well. All the same price, two for $24 with a jug. If this was a good parma the value would be off the charts. I checked the parma menu just to see what we were in for...

As far as novelty toppings go this one showed promise, as a parma purist I went with the 'Margherita' but a few at the table strayed, with Reviewer Em getting the Italian, and reviewers Stefo and Fridge getting the "Breakfast" (while we're on the subject, the "Breakfast" should really be called the "Aussie" - I don't know about you guys but I've never considered onion rings a breakfast staple)

We arrived and took our seats - One thing that worried me a little was that there was no signage at all about the "2 and a jug for $24" deal, not on the walls, specials board or the menu - however asking the waiter he confirmed that the deal is still valid, so remember that if you go in - although it may not be signed be sure to ask for it.

Having eight people at the review worked out nicely as we were able to split it up into four deals, meaning we were due four jugs of beer. Then a strange thing happened - after two jugs arrived it was a good twenty minutes before we saw our third, then our fourth didn't seem to be arriving, I questioned this and was told that they only have three jugs. I looked around and there wasn't a single jug on the other tables, so it seems that a bar in crown casino is only stocked with three empty jugs ... a bar that offers a parma deal involving jugs only has three jugs behind the bar.

My brain hurts.

We finished off a jug and gave it to them for a refill, not really a problem - but worth noting.

After a 20 minute wait our parmas arrived from the kitchen

The Original -

The Italian -

First things first, the parma. It was ... Okay, The schnitzel itself was either very good prefab chicken or very bad real chicken breast. It had a grain, so at least it wasn't a giant chicken nugget, however it cut and held its shape far too well to be completely natural. In terms of flavour there wasn't much to write home about in the schnitzel. The crumbs were quite soggy and all up it wasn't far off from cutting into a damp sponge.

The toppings (on the magherita) were pretty similar. There was plenty of cheese and ham (two slices of ham definitely a nice touch) but it was all insanely bland. The cheese was like rubber, the ham completely tasteless and I had to physically check to make sure the napoli was there (there was, but there wasn't much of it)

I'm coming off harsh, there wasn't anything particularly objectionable about this parma, but it was just boring. Nothing in the parma had any flavour, it was honestly as entertaining as chewing on wet cardboard. After a few bites I immediately reached for the salt and pepper to bring it to life. I had major food envy and regretted not getting the novelty toppings, as they looked quite good.

The chips, on the other hand, were quite good. Well cooked, hot, crunchy and nicely seasoned. A fitting side to the dish that went very quickly.

The salad, like the chips, was surprisingly flavourful. Plenty of ingredients and a healthy serve of a tangy dressing made it an enjoyable side dish.

Even though the parma was "meh" the value on this dish is phenomenal - If you can score the "2 parmas and a jug for $24" deal I honestly don't think it can be beat. I'm not sure how much Crown charges for a jug, but a pint at the bar beforehand ran me ten bucks - so the jug has got to be at least $15. Which would make these parmas what ... $5 each? If you're in crown and got a hankering for a parma I'd have another look in, definitely better than the Schnitz in the food court.

I think that this is one of those parmas that I can only recommend with the novelty toppings. It's an extremely beige base that needs the extras on top to carry it over the line. I don't normally recommend a parma based on its novelty factor, but at a price like this its hard to ignore.

Cotta is most definitely not the "Home of the Parma" but if you feel like a feed between spins of the roulette wheel, and are with another person to take advantage of the double parma deal, then its worth popping your head in and checking out. Novelty parmas only though.

[pros]

• 2 Parmas and a jug for $24 deal is amazing value
• good range of novelty options

[/pros][cons]

• Standard parma is bland as bland can be.

[/cons]

Parma - 6.31

Chips - 6.56

Salad - 5.38

Value - 8.38

Total - 6.59

The search continues...

Attempt #177 - 'The Linc: Redux'

[info]When? - 27th of March, 2014

Where? - The Lincolnshire Arms Hotel, 1 Keilor Rd, Essendon

Price? - $22.90

Website? - http://thelinc.com.au/

Reviewers –  Cale, Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony [/info]

*Edit* The Linc has received the Re-Redo treatment! We revisited yet again in 2016 - Check out how it fared here

First up, be aware this is a redo, I'm probably gonna say a lot of stuff that isn't going to make sense unless you've read about the first time we went to the Linc. Got it? Good.

As our lowest ranked parma so far, It was inevitable that we would one day have to go back to the Linc just to see if they have improved at all. I said in the first review that they should take our critisisms as tips for improvement, and promised if they ever put the effort in to improve their parma at all we would be back to give them a fair and unbiased second review.

A lot has happened since we visited the Linc back in November 2011, They have undergone some pretty extensive refurbishments and we have actually been in communication a little about their parma. Rather than blather on for a few paragraphs, here is a quick little timeline of events between November 2011 to today, March 2014.

And now you're up to speed! Without need for the parma bus I wandered down to the Linc for one last time before moving, not much further away, but at least a tram ride.

Rather than visit the sports bar this time around we opted to give the bistro side of the Linc a go. We took our seats, scoped the menu and spied our target -

First up there was at least one improvement - The addition of ham seems to be a permanent thing, not just an optional extra as the facebook posts implied. could this mean there actually has been an improvement? We ordered a garlic bread for pre-game and our parmas to follow. Upon ordering we were asked "do you want chips or veggies", everyone opted for chips - but thats a story for a bit later.

The garlic bread at the Linc has always been great, and last night was no exception. Piping hot, dripping with butter, perfectly toasted foccacia slices - I challenge you to find a better garlic bread. The meal started off well, hopes were actually lifting.

As we polished off the bread we were presented with a basket of bake at home rolls - these were included the last time we visited The Linc back in '11 and actually went down as the best part of the dish. Who doesn't love a good bake at home roll?

after we finished those it was only a short wait before our parmas arrived. Hopes were high, spirits were high, Could it actually be good?!

Oh.

Hoo boy. Okay, Positives first - The schnitzel was a little  bigger than in the sports bar, and (although thinner than a credit card) seems to be real, unprocessed chicken.

Despite the addition of a tasteless, off white strip of ham it was pretty much exactly the same. The same canned toppings, the same pools of oil on top, the same weird topping layering with the napoli above the cheese. It was the same.

Other than a vague oily residue it was completely devoid of taste. The napoli was like water, the cheese was like rubber, there was some herbs through the crumbs but they didn't do much at all.

Sigh...

Not much else to say really, we were dejected. I tried so hard to improve this parma.

Here's the cross section -

The chips were as bland as a pair of beige curtains. Lukewarm and starchy, had to cover them in salt to get any semblance of flavour out of them.

Now, the salad.

Much like the last review, lets play everybody's favourite gameshow ...

Name that ingredient!

Yep, that is what the salad consisted of. I would have guessed the three orange strips were carrot, but two of them had massive white chunks in the middle - I didn't know carrots could turn white.

[info] **EDIT** 16/4/14 - I have been in correspondence with The Linc since writing this review and have been informed that what we took to be the "salad" is actually intended to be a "garnish" and not to be intended as a salad. As this is the case we are invoking the "You don't win friends with salad" rule (see the FAQ &Glossary for more info) and the final score will be adjusted accordingly. [/info]

But there is another story to the Salad, as when Reviewer Stefo placed his order, he asked if he could get salad with his meal assuming it was included. He sat back down and showed us his receipt...

I'm having deja vu here. A $3.50 charge for salad? Okay, well surely for that much of an additional cost it was an amazingly rich, full and nutritious addition to the meal...

Apologies for the blurry photo, I was vibrating with rage at this point

I took a bite and winced. I love my balsamic, but this thing was more balsamic than it was vegetables. Not $3.50 worth, not by a long shot.

There's not much more to say really, I had hoped that the parma in the restaurant area would be better than the sports bar, as there is a good $7 difference in price between the two. What does that extra $7 buy you, you may ask? A slightly bigger schnitzel. Thats it. It's not like you're paying extra for table service either, both your drink and food orders have to be placed at the counter and bar respectively. In theory The Linc could install one of those "buzzer-buzzes when your food is ready to collect" systems and do away with the waitresses all together. $7 difference between the sports bar and the bistro is ludicrous, $3.50 extra for salad is utter madness. I wouldn't go back for another parma at the Linc if you paid me.

When we first visited the Linc I gave them the benefit of the doubt, I was willing to help them if they were willing to accept they had a problem and were willing to better themselves -  There was a ray of hope that it might happen, But they have broken my heart yet again. I can't sugar coat it any more, this parma is a fucking abomination.

[pros]

• Bake at home roll & garlic bread was tasty
• Slightly bigger schnitzel than in the sports bar
• Ham now a standard inclusion

[/pros][cons]

• Everything else.

[/cons]

Parma - 2.60

Chips - 2.40

Salad - "You don't win friends with salad" rule invoked.

Value - 1.10

Total - 2.74

The search continues...

Attempt #176 - 'The Lomond Hotel'

 

[info]When? - 20th of March, 2014

Where? - The Lomond Hotel, 225 Nicholson St. Brunswick East

Price? - The menu says $18 ... But check the review for clarification

Website? - http://www.lomondhotel.com.au/

Reviewers –  Dale, Kylie B, Lee, Nikki, Shanan, Stefo [/info]

I couldn't tell you why we picked the Lomond Hotel this week. I didn't feel like travelling far so I checked our 'to try' list for a parma around the Brunswick area - Its slim pickings these days for a parma in Brunswick we haven't already reviewed, but we managed to find one - The Lomond Hotel in Brunswick East.

At face value the Lomond looks like a pub I would like. It's a locals pub with a solid live music background and (what I heard) to be decent pub grub. A tick in every box and on walking into the front bar its exactly what we were greeted with, it wasn't a lot to look at, but it had character - and thats all you need in a local pub.

I grabbed a pint of Brunswick Bitter and checked out the blackboard menu over the bar...

Target sighted. Chicken parma $18, with a $1 extra for a slice of ham - Keep this in mind, as this whole review is going to revolve around what is written on that board.

So everyone rocks up, I tell the bar guy that I booked a table earlier that afternoon and we were ushered through to the dining room - a very nicely fitted out area with more of a restaurant feel, tablecloths, wine glasses and cloth napkins on the table. You get the idea.

We take our seats and crack open our menus. Uh oh ... There's no parma listed on the Dining Room menu. We debate moving back into the front bar, but when we walked through I didn't see a table for 6 available. I asked the waitress if we could order food from the bar menu in the dining room, she said yes, however there would be a "$2 surcharge for the linens". A little annoying, but fair enough. You pay extra for table service, we took the hit and ordered our 6 chicken parmas, all with ham (for an extra $1 surcharge), along with a couple of garlic breads to start things off

The garlic bread's came and went very quickly - quite tasty, if anything a little too heavy on the garlic, but a nice start to the meal.

The parmas arrived...

Looking quite impressive on the plate I tucked in as soon as it fell. The schnitzel, while being a little on the thin side, was pure chicken breast, juicy and flavourful . The crumbs deserve a paragraph of their own as they were absolutely perfect - crisp and crunchy, golden brown and delicious. It's a sign of a good parma when you can eat the schnitz by itself and not miss the toppings. Quality foundation for this bird.

The toppings were a bit of a mixed bag. The cheese and napoli were applied liberally and well cooked, can't fault them for that - but they both took a back seat to the ham - well worth the $1 surcharge, the smoked ham infused the whole parma with a strong smokey flavour - If you aren't a fan of smoked ham then definitely go with the standard parma, as all I could taste for the majority of the meal was smoked ham - Luckily, I love smoked ham.

The chips were plump, fresh and well cooked. They needed a little seasoning, and were slightly oily, but overall they were a great accompaniment to a solid meal. Some dipping sauce would have been lovely

The salad was also impressive - A big bowl chock full of ingredients. Half garden salad, half greek salad (olives, but no feta) it was very well dressed, fresh and tasty - My one complaint would be that they used olives that still had the pits in them, my first bite I almost cracked a tooth biting down on one - If you're going to use olives in a salad take the pits out. Other than that it was a fine salad.

So this is where I normally put the quotes, then go on to the "Value" section of the review after that - but the value is such an important factor in this review I am bringing it forward.

So we were all kicking back, enjoying the post-parma glow, finishing off our pints and generally getting ready to leave when the bill arrived - which kind've stopped us in our tracks.

Take a look at the receipt first and see what you make of it...

So, the two garlic breads, $7 each - fine

6 Parmas, at ... Hold on, $19.50 each? But the board said $18? Maybe thats the linen surcharge built into the price.

What? $4 extra each for salad!?

and whats after that? "Butter sauce" ... I'm assuming the "butter sauce" is the ham surcharge just listed under another name, which is, again, fair enough.

But lets review, A parma that is listed as $18 on the menu comes out at $19.50, plus a dollar surcharge for ham, $20.50, plus a completely unmentioned four dollar charge for salad thrown on top. All of a sudden our $18 parma is costing us $24.50 each.

Now I'm not a tightass, If the menu had've listed the parma at $24.50 I probably wouldn't have looked twice - but don't try and pull shady surcharge bullshit (pardon my language) to squeeze some extra bucks out of me. A $2 surcharge for using the dining room is fair enough, an unmentioned $4 salad surcharge is just taking advantage.

The Lomond served up a great parma, I really enjoyed it until the bill arrived, however all the mess with the bill afterwards left a sour taste in my mouth. If they were honest and upfront about the price from the beginning this would have been a much more positive review, but after the crap they pulled last night I doubt I would go back.

[pros]

• Some of the crispiest crumbs we've encountered
• Flavoursome smoked ham
• Quality chips and salad
• All round great pub meal

[/pros][cons]

• Shady surcharges turned an $18 parma into a $24.50 parma

[/cons]

Parma - 6.83

Chips - 6.08

Salad - 6.42

Value - 3.17

Total - 5.87

The search continues...

Attempt #175 -'The Grosvenor Hotel'

[info]When? - 13th of March, 2014

Where? - The Grosvenor Hotel - 10 Brighton Rd, St. Kilda East

Price? - $24

Website? - http://www.grosvenorhotel.com.au/

Reviewers –  Cale, Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony [/info]

Towards the end of last year I was invited to the Grosvenor to compete in their "Parma Smackdown" event, trialling a multitude of different novelty parmas. Unfortunately it was on the same night that we presented The Imperial with their parma of the year trophy, so I couldn't make it. I was spewing I missed it, luckily it was covered in depth by a few of my fellow food-blog comrades so I managed to get a peek at what was in store.

Fast forward to last night and it was time to see what all the fuss was about, so we loaded up the parma bus and headed to The Grosvenor Hotel in St. Kilda.

When we first drove past the Grosvenor my heart sank a little - It was a massive building with a Thirsty Camel drive through Bottle-o and a sign advertising that it was a pokies venue. Uh-oh, had we signed up for a parma at a corporate, soulless McPub?

Luckily I couldn't have been more wrong, Inside the Grosvenor is a damn impressive establishment. Beautifully decked out, separate areas for dining, an adjoining wine bar, cosy cocktail bar and sun-filled courtyard. You could visit the Grosvenor five times and have a completely different experience in each, yes the pokies were there, but they were in a removed, quiet and unobtrusive room. The best way to have them.

On top of an impressive cocktail menu (2-for-1 on Thursday nights - bonus!) The beer list was also extensive offering a few favourites such as Mountain Goat Steam Ale, Stone & Wood, Moo Brew and Two Brothers on tap, with a larger section in bottles - enough to satisfy any craving. I grabbed a pint of Stone & Wood and took a seat in the dining area...

No nonsense menu, target sighted and ordered (with a woodfired cheese & herb pizza for pre-game). While we're on the subject of the menu, I've gotta mention this -

That just sounds amazing doesn't it? I'd love to come back with a larger group and give it a go.

Shortly after ordering the pre-game arrived...

Scrumptious! That was polished off rather quickly, It's also worth mentioning this other little tidbit I noticed on the menu -

I think its safe to say the winners of last year's "Parma Smackdown" would be featured on the Wednesday parma night, also worth looking into in the future.

Not long after we polished off the pizza did the parmas arrive...

The chicken schnitzel was top notch. Tender and brimming with juice with crunchy crumbs (on top at least, there was a little sogging on the bottom, but nothing major). While a little small in circumference it more than made up for it in thickness. It tasted fresh and was full of flavour.

The toppings only improved from there. A generous lashing of ham, the napoli was in abundance as was the cheese blend, which had just the right amount of a tasty cheese kick to it while still retaining the elasticity of mozzarella. Grilled to a perfect golden brown, this parma was an absolute joy.

The hand cut chips looked impressive on the plate, and in general were pretty solid - but there's a danger when serving up hand cut chips such as these - as they blur the line between a "chip" and a "quarter of a potato". Some of them were perfect sized, some were ridiculously big. All were delicious and fluffy inside, but with that much potato they were in desperate need of a dipping sauce. If you order the hand cut chips off the "small plates" menu they come with an espelet pepper aioli - which would have been absolutely perfect to break up the onslaught of potato. Luckily we asked for a pot of good ol' tomato sauce and that did the job fine.

No need to sugar coat it, the salad was a let down. Cabbage, lettuce, carrot and a whole heap of fennel tossed in some olive oil. Maybe its just because I've never been big on fennel in salad but this pile of greens did nothing for me or anyone else on the table. Sure it was fresh, can't fault them for that, but without a dressing all I could taste was oil and fennel (if you haven't had fennel in salad before it has a very strong aniseed taste, like black liquorice) after such a strong start the salad was a disappointing way to finish off the meal.

For $24 it is a bit pricey but I wouldn't grumble too much having to pay that again, everything on the plate was made with the highest quality ingredients and care, and sometimes you have to chip in a few extra bucks to get that on your plate. The $15 parma night is definitely appealing, and if you were intending on checking this place out I'd definitely say to stop in on a Wednesday - and who doesn't love some free trivia thrown in? nobody, thats who (wooo, double negatives!).

Despite a couple of speed bumps the Grosvenor is an impressive establishment with an equally impressive parma. From the outside it seems like just another corporate, soulless pub - yet inside they have managed to imbue so much character into those walls, the care they have taken really shines, from the decor to the menu, you can tell some love has gone into this pub and I'd be happy to go back again.

On the way out I spotted what I assume is that $600 suckling pig hanging in the meat fridge... I'll be back for you Babe!

[pros]

• Fantastic quality ingredients
• Delicious parma
• Quality chunky chips

[/pros][cons]

• Disappointing salad
• Chunky chips needed a dipping sauce

[/cons]

Parma - 8.30

Chips - 7.30

Salad - 5.00

Value - 6.20

Total - 7.02

The search continues...

Attempt #174 - 'Royal Melbourne Hotel'

[info]When? - 6th of March, 2014

Where? - Royal Melbourne Hotel - 629 Bourke St. Melbourne

Price? - $19.90

Website? - http://www.rmh.com.au/

Reviewers –  Fridge, Lee, Nikki, Stefo [/info]

You've probably been to The Royal Melbourne Hotel and not know it, as it is most commonly known by a completely different name ... Bang!

Every Saturday night the RMH transforms into "Bang!" - the punk/rock/metal/indie/dance/party nightclub (and on the eve of long weekends it also becomes part of the "Plastic" experience). I have been to Bang! many times, but I have never been to the Royal Melbourne Hotel.

To be honest I was a little surprised when I found out that it was a regular pub during non-bang hours, especially one with the prestigious title of The Royal Melbourne Hotel - I found it a little sad that a pub with such a prominent name is most known as something completely different.

I have never been to the RMH sober before, or in daylight, so walking in to the glass roofed atrium was a very different experience. It actually is a very beautiful building and wonderful space, with fantastic architecture and plenty of little nooks and crannies to get lost in.

We were seated amongst a sea of suits (it's a popular place for after work sippers, apparently) in the atrium, right in front of the arch through to the "Cells" (the bluestone building at the back, a.k.a "The Metal Room" on Bang! nights). We had a quick glance at the menus and with little hesitation placed our orders at the bar.

The beer & wine selection is pretty standard CUB fare. Draught, Cascade, Blonde, Fat Yak, Bulmers and Peroni if you're feeling fancy, nothing much in the way of a craft beer selection - but enough to do the job.

Quite quickly (about a third of a pint's worth) our parmas arrived at the table.

The schnitzel was pretty sub-par. Standard heart-shaped processed garbage. Any thickness to it was mostly crumbs, which fell away from the chicken the moment the knife went through it. The chicken itself was credit-card thin in places.

There was a ton of nude schnitz, which I sometimes don't mind if the schnitzel itself is quality, it can be an enjoyable experience with the right bird - but this was just unpleasant. Not to mention mine was a little burnt around the edges.

Much like the schnitzel the toppings were just as processed. The napoli was straight from a can and the cheese almost looked as if someone had laid kraft singles over the top of the schnitzel and put it under the griller.

I was surprised to find there was a slice of ham, which is always appreciated. The bits of nude schnitz around the edges weren't good at all. The bits covered with topping were bearable. Thats probably the highest compliment I can pay this parma. Bearable.

Chips were a handful of unseasoned, bagged pub chips. with a heaping of salt & pepper I was able to breathe some life into them. Standard pub chips, but nothing special by any means.

The garden salad was a wilted mess. Mostly lettuce with a token piece of tomato and onion, I got zero cucumber but another reviewer got five pieces. Also disappointing.

This is a ten dollar parma. Twelve at the most - To be forced to shell out almost $20 for this mess hurts quite a bit. I wouldn't travel for this parma, The Mail Exchange is walking distance from this place and I'd prefer to go there for a bowl of Bad Boy Chips before visiting this place again. There is a $20 Steak night on Thursdays, I saw a few come out of the kitchen and they looked alright - If I was forced back here during food service hours I would definitely opt for the steak over the parma

I don't think I'll be back to the Royal Melbourne Hotel for a while. Sure Bang! is still fine and its great at doing what it does (with Labour Day on Monday I'm sure Plastic will be in full swing Sunday night). It's a gorgeous pub, and probably worth stopping in just to see the place when it isn't in nightclub mode, I'd happily stop in for another pint if I was in the area - but I won't be back for the parma any time soon.

[pros]

• Nice to see the venue outside of "Bang!" mode

[/pros][cons]

• Credit card thin, processed schnitzel
• Toppings from a can
• Wilted salad

[/cons]

Parma - 4.63

Chips - 3.25

Salad - 3.50

Value -3.75

Total - 3.95

The search continues...

Special Attempt - 'Red Rooster Parmy Schnitzel Meal'

Alright, this is just a quickie update, as I need to get the word out on this thing. It's only 'for a limited time' so its not gonna get a full review, a lot like the KFC Parmy Stacker a few months back.

Now, lets get one thing straight - I love Red Rooster. In my opinion its one of the most under-rated fast food's we have, The chips are consistently fantastic (Unlike KFC's which are all over the shop) and the 'Fully Loaded Pack' is my Sunday morning hangover cure of choice.

But yesterday afternoon this was brought to my attention on Twitter...

Good lord. You know you're in trouble when the professionally photographed photo of the thing looks like the worst thing I've ever seen.

But I had to do it, I had to take one for the team - I've got an obligation to try these things so that you guys don't have to. I went into my local Reddy Red and there it was, in the middle of the menu board...

$8.99 for the Parmy meal, with a choice of mash or chips (I went with chips) and the option to add a second schnitzel for $3.49 ... this struck me as odd at the time, but would realise why later on.

A few minutes later I received my meal and ran it home in my hot little hands, I opened it up and ... um... yeah.

So at first glance there wasn't actually any chicken visible, only chips, peas and a pile of semi-melted cheese. somehow the cheese seemed to be on top of the peas and chips, with the schnitzel underneath.

To get a better look I separated all the elements out on a plate ...

I think the picture says it all really. I don't even think this qualifies as a parma. First all. There were peas everywhere. The cheese on top of the parma was more pea than it was cheese. The "Schnitzel" was nothing more than a Red Rooster burger patty. The need for the option to "add a schnitzel" for $3.50 became painstakingly clear - they know how bad it is, so they are giving you an option to make it slightly less awful.

There may have been some napoli on it at some point in a previous life, maybe the chicken had brushed up against a tomato as it was walking around the farm, but that was it. I was in shock... how could they think that this would work? An utter insult to parma lovers everywhere.

There isn't much more to say. Don't waste your money on this abomination, I'm putting this review up as a public service announcement for people who are thinking "how bad could it be?" Trust me, whatever you're imagining, it's worse.

Chips were pretty good though.

Attempt #173 - 'Schnitz'

[info]When? - 27th of February, 2014

Where? -Everywhere (but we went to the Brunswick one)

Price? - Parma, Chips & Salad - $16.90

Website? - http://schnitz.com.au/

Reviewers –  Kylie, Lee, Nikki, Shanan, Stefo [/info]

If you haven't heard of Schnitz you must have been living under a rock for the past 12 months, although any longer and nobody would blame you (and I don't mean to be offensive, I hear interior designers are doing amazing things with rocks these days. Damn cosy). Seemingly overnight these places have popped up everywhere, I remember seeing the one on Elizabeth St and the one at Doncaster Shopping center - but looking at the Schnitz website there are now 19 locations around victoria, with another 5 'coming soon', It's hard to swing a cat without hitting a Schnitz.

However, if it has been cosy under that rock and you haven't seen a Schnitz store, I'd say the best way to describe it would be similar to "Nando's", but for schnitzels. Very similar decor and they share the same "Half dine in/half fast-food" style.

We chose the store on Sydney Road in Brunswick, mostly because it has just opened and was the easiest one for us to get to - but I think, due to the fast food nature of the business, that it's safe to assume that the quality of this parma will speak for all of the locations.

We arrived at the very busy restaurant and managed to secure a spot in front of the counter where I snapped this photo of the menu...

As you can see its a very pure schnitzel-oriented menu with only a small section set aside for the parmas (bottom right hand side, "meals and parmas" if you missed it. There is one parma in the wrap/roll section called the "parmageddon" which I thought was an odd choice - why offer a spicy mexicana style parma wrap and not a standard? Seems like a missed opportunity.

If you can't make out the parma part of the menu due to my spectacular photography skills, here is a close up I snagged from the website -

Quite a few options, which is nice to see. Not everyone likes a salad with their parma so its good form to offer it cheaper without. Not pictured was also a list of 7 different flavours of chip dip, for an extra $1 a piece.

We placed our orders and returned to the table. Everyone got a parma, chips & salad - but a couple opted for the Coleslaw in place of garden salad - Purist that I am, I stayed with the garden salad.

I won't lie - It hurt that I couldn't get a beer with my parma. In the four years we've been doing this I don't think I've ever had a parma without an accompanying cold one. I swallowed my pain as I cracked the bottle of Pepsi.

After about 6 or 7 minutes the parmas started arriving (although the last of the five didn't come out for another 10 minutes after the first one did)...

Ohhh no. The schnitzel was tiny. They tried to cover it by putting the chips on top and using an oversized bowl for the salad, but it was tiny - no bigger than a CD in circumference. I cut it open and was relieved to see pure, white chicken breast. It was thin, it was small, but at least it was real chicken.

This aerial view really highlights the size of the thing

The toppings were pretty disappointing. There was a lot of cheese and plenty of napoli but it was all as bland as a pair of beige curtains. No ham, no spices, just nothingness.

Now, one thing I heard time and time again about Schnitz - "You've got to try the chips". If I heard it once I heard it a thousand times. The chips at Schnitz are the bomb - or so they say... And I've got to admit, they were right.

Beautifully cooked, plenty of them and coated in the most succulent seasoning mixtures I've tasted - Like a mixture of chicken salt and the stuff McDonalds used to give you for their "shaker fries", not to mention its well worth shelling out the extra $1 for some chip dip to just finish off the experience - although to be honest, they're good enough that they stand up on their own, without the need for additional dippage.

I was pleasantly surprised with the salad. Maybe because I had low expectations for a fast food place, but the cucumbers, lettuce, onion and cherry tomatoes all remained crisp. It wasn't fantastic, but it was better than what I was expecting, and the option to swap it out for coleslaw is a nice touch as well.

Would I pay $16.90 again for what I got a Schnitz? Probably not. The parma was just too small to warrant the price - That's not to say I wouldn't go back for a bowl of chips - That I could definitely recommend, and with the amount of Schnitz's now in Victoria I can't imagine you'd have to travel far to find them, wherever you live.

I was disappointed with this parma. I figured a place called Schnitz would sell a good Schnitz - The foundation for a good parma, but unfortunately it just came off bland, small and unloved - I'm not sure why I expected more from a fast food place. Definitely go back for the chips though, they were outstanding.

Sorry guys...

[pros]

• Outstanding chips
• Choice of sides & sauces

[/pros][cons]

• Small, bland & boring parma

[/cons]

Parma - 3.20

Chips - 7.60

Salad - 4.60

Value - 5.70

Total - 4.86

The search continues...

Attempt #172 - 'Yacht Club Hotel'

[info]When? - 20th of February, 2014

Where? - 207 Nelson Pl, Williamstown

Price? - $22 with a $15 Monday special

Website? - http://yachtclubhotel.com.au/

Reviewers –  Cale, Lee, Nikki, Stefo,  [/info]

Every time we attempt to go to a pub in Williamstown we end up going somewhere else. I don't know what it is but pubs in Willy seem to book out well in advance, so if you do feel like checking this place out be sure to book ahead.

We intended for this week's review to be at The Stag's Head, also in Williamstown, but when I called to book a table was told that there were none available at a decent time. Luckily for us this is Williamstown, where there are almost more pubs than there are people. I quickly called around and managed to secure a spot at the Yacht Club Hotel.

I arrived at the Yacht Club not really knowing what to expect, as it was a last minute booking I didn't have a chance to do my usual pre-meal recon. We arrived at the pub and took our seats up front.

This pub is deceptively big. We sat in the front area and I thought that was pretty much it, but the room really opens up down the other end, fitting in a dance floor, stage, side lounge room and raised back area with two pool tables.

We grabbed the menu and ordered some cheesy garlic bread while we waited for the group to turn up as we were rather famished, While looking at the menu we spied our target, and something caught my eye...

Bad. Boy. Chips.

We have come across Bad Boy Chips once before, at The Mail Exchange Hotel on the corner of Bourke & Spencer St in the CBD. They rated a 9, one of the highest scores we have ever given a chip on Parma Daze - needless to say, my pants got a little tighter.

A little research into "Bad Boy Chips" delivers this info - They are a product of Edgell, and (as far as I can tell) only available to business in the food service industry, not individuals. Below is a grab from the Simplot Foodservice website -

The description there says it all really. They're amazing. Without hesitation we ordered our parmas and waited.

The cheesy garlic bread arrived, not much on presentation but definitely hit the spot. It was garlicy, it was cheesy, it was ... bread-y. Everything you could want from cheesy garlic bread.

About half a pint later our meals arrived. The first thing that hit me ... They aren't Bad Boy Chips. But more on that later.

The Schnitzel looked a little small on the plate - until I noticed its thickness. This would have to be, without doubt, one of the thickest bits of chicken breast we have come across. Scroll down a little and check out the cross-section, I put a fork in there to give it some perspective. A solid inch of chicken breast, not counting the toppings. It was conservatively crumbed and well cooked. Slightly dry in parts but thats a minor complaint. As far as schnitzels go this one was quality.

They weren't at all tight with the toppings, which was necessary with a parma of this thickness. The cheese was golden brown, the napoli was chunky and made its presence known. The slice of ham was appreciated, albeit a little lost amongst the other flavours - but a slice of ham is never a bad thing. Maybe if they had used smoked ham instead it would have had a bit more bite, but I'm not complaining, this was a quality bit of bird.

Now. The chips. On any other parma I would have praised these chips. Sure they were standard pub chips but they were well cooked, well seasoned and there were plenty of them. A tick in every box really. However we were promised Bad Boy chips - and Bad Boy chips these were not. The chips were good, and we tried to score them as best we could on their own merits - but the promise of Bad Boys left a sour taste in my mouth and the chip score definitely took a hit because of it.

I don't often say this when it comes to garden salad, but the salad was a delight. It was so chock-full of ingredients there's no way I could fault it for being boring. There was more cucumber in it than there was lettuce. Heaps of onion, and the pile of tomato I left on the plate (I'm not a raw tomato fan) could have been a salad in itself. Perfectly dressed, bursting with flavour - one of the better garden salads we've had.

For $22 I can't really complain about what we received. If I were in Williamstown I'd happily go back to the Yacht Club Hotel for their parma. The specials board listed a $15 parma night with a few novelty options, so that would definitely be worth checking out if you were in the area.

All up this was a pretty great parma that I'd have no problems recommending. If we had've been served the promised Bad Boy Chips it would have wound up much further up the ladder.

Do me a favour, if you find yourself at The Yacht Club Hotel, get a parma - I'm keen to see if the Bad Boy Chips actually exist. Shoot me a message or post something on our Facebook, Twitter or Instagram with your thoughts, I'll happily amend this review if I can confirm the Bad Boys exist.

[pros]

• Thick chicken breast
• Salad overflowing with ingredients
• There's a possibility you will get Bad Boy Chips

[/pros][cons]

• A little dry at times
• Was promised Bad Boy Chips. No Bad Boy Chips were delivered.

[/cons]

Parma - 7.38

Chips - 6.38

Salad - 7.63

Value - 7.00

Total - 7.15

The search continues...

Attempt #171 - 'Duke of Edinburgh Hotel'

[info]When? - 13th of February, 2014

Where? - 430 Sydney Road, Brunswick

Price? - Between $10 and $15 on Thursday nights, $21 regular menu

Website? - http://www.dukeofedinburghhotel.com.au/

Reviewers –  Cale, Carly, Lee, Nikki, Shanan, Stefo,  [/info]

I said a couple of weeks ago that I hate reviewing parma nights, Its too hard to get an accurate judge on what the parmas are like on the regular menu when you're getting a discounted (and probably different) version.

But guess what! Last night we visited The Duke of Edinburgh, which has a (surprise, surprise) Thursday parma night. But what the hell. Variety is the spice of life, lets do this.

Those who live in the Brunswick area would probably know the Duke of Edinburgh as "Zagame's", the pokies/TAB venue it was a few months ago. Well it has recently changed hands and looks to be attempting to get back to its classic pub roots. I can't quite attest as to what the pub will look like in a few months, as there was massive renovation work underway when we arrived - however the pokies and sports bar area is currently untouched.

We pulled up a chair in the (currently mid-construction) dining area and found the menu - now on Thursday nights The Duke runs a parma night offering a variety of novelty topping options...

Not a bad selection, and at rock bottom prices it'd be hard to go wrong. Among the group we all picked a different parma, with a couple of us (including myself) went with the original as a baseline.

After a 30 minute wait (and a damn fine garlic pizza for entree) the parmas arrived - I tried to grab a pic of them all, some are better quality than others, but this is a run down of what we received ...

The Aussie -

The Hawaiian -

The Original -

The Mushroom (with added pineapple, on request) -

The Mexican -

The moment the parmas hit the table I was hit with immediate food envy. The novelties looked quite good, but the original just looked plain. I picked up the cutlery and tucked in.

It was ... Okay. The schnitzel had a decent thickness in parts but was fairly processed, but for a processed bird it was pretty decent quality (EDIT: Since posting this review staff of the Duke have contacted me and assured that the chicken breasts are not processed - you can check out the comment at the bottom of this review), there wasn't an overdose of crumbs and carried plenty of moisture.

The toppings on the original were a bit 'meh' No ham, very little napoli, but the cheese was fine. I'm not gonna lie - The original was boring as hell. For the price (ten bucks) its hard to complain, even though the last cheap parma we had was $9.90 and much better than this one. It wasn't bad, it just didn't do anything special. It was adequate - not exceptional.

But then a weird thing happened - all the novelty getters around the table were giving positive feedback. They really seemed to enjoy it, and, as I said earlier, they looked damn good. Especially the Aussie and the Mexican, I was very tempted to get another one just to check it out, but was feeling quite full at this point.

The chips were surprisingly good. Beer battered, well seasoned and just the right amount of crunch. My only complaint is that I wish there were more of them! not many on the plate at all, a shame as they were probably the part of the dish I enjoyed the most.

The salad was bad. No bones about it, a complete afterthought. The salad on my plate consisted of a pile of undressed lettuce leaves and a single tomato wedge - I heard reports of cucumber on some of the other plates, but without visual proof I put that down to myth, like bigfoot or the chupacabras.

For $10 its hard to complain, but I'm still gonna. A parma shouldn't rely on novelty toppings to be good - this is the major reason I really don't like novelty parmas. Restaurants use them as a crutch to prop up a poor bird. But when all is said and done it only cost me ten bucks and I walked away with a full stomach. If I were in the area on a Thursday ... actually no, I wouldn't go back. There are so many better options on Sydney Road I'd probably check one of those out. I'll rephrase. If I was forced to go back to The Duke on a Thursday I wouldn't mind terribly shelling out $12 to give one of the novelty parmas a go. I can't vouch for what the parma is like on a regular night, but if I was served what I got last night for $21 I would not be a happy camper.

All up the Duke's parma is one that really needs the extra toppings. If you are a fan of novelty parmas this is definitely one to check out (and the price isn't offensive) Thats the best recommendation I can give it. Avoid the Original, but stick to the Novelties - The Aussie in particular looked damn good.

[pros]

• Quality chips
• Cheap on Thursday
• Good selection of Novelty parmas

[/pros][cons]

• Original is bland
• Awful salad
• Uses novelty toppings to cover up sub-par bird

[/cons]

Parma - 6.33

Chips - 7.00

Salad - 3.33

Value - 8.42

Total - 6.28

The search continues...

Attempt #170 - 'Honey'

When? - 6th of February, 2014

Where? - 345 Clarendon St, South Melbourne

Price? - $20

Website? - http://honeybar.com.au/

Reviewers –  Em, Lee, Matt, Nikki, Shanan, Stefo, Tony

Clarendon street is an area we have kind've neglected when it comes to parma reviews in Melbourne - The list of places I want to try along the busy South Melbourne street is as long as my arm (The Limerick, The Golden Gate and The Clarendon to name a few) and expanding to a few of the quieter back streets makes it even longer.

I had heard many good things about Honey, It has been suggested to us many times and I've even spied a few instagram photos that looked downright scrumptious - I was in the mood for a good parma this week so we loaded up the parma bus and headed to Clarendon Street.

The pub's aesthetic is instantly impressive. Polished concrete floors, clean lines and funky decor. I wouldn't call it a "cosy" pub, as the entire interior is basically exposed grey concrete, but I liked it none the less. Pubs with this look can tend to come off as rather soulless, but Honey manages to pull it off quite well.

There are a couple of food specials available at Honey but none on the Thursday night that we attended - Instead it was "2 for 1 cocktail night" at the bar, with a menu of 8 cocktails, normally running between $16 and $19 a piece - I'm surprised the pub wasn't busier as this is an outstanding value deal. We partook in quite a few of the cocktail selection and they were all made with the utmost care and skill. The "John Dorian" appletini (named after JD from Scrubs) was particularly delicious.

But cocktails weren't what we were there for! It was time to get some chicken into us. We checked the menu, spied the bird, and placed our orders.

I have absolutely failed this year when it comes to timing how long it took for the parmas to arrive. I had a master plan when 2014 kicked off to stopwatch each pub from the moment we ordered to the time the parma hit the table - but I've only managed to set the timer once this year. It was about 25 minutes after ordering that our seven parmas arrived...

First up, the schnitzel was thick. perfectly crumbed, plump & pure chicken breast. Mine was a little overcooked, bordering on burnt on the top edge, but that seemed to be an isolated incident as the other six on the table didn't share that problem (unlucky me).

Being very well done it was a little dry around the edges, but only slightly - it was still a very high quality chicken breast, and (despite some very minor gripes) a fine foundation for the rest of the toppings.

The cheese, like the parma itself was very well done - But I wouldn't call this a negative as I like my cheese crispy, golden brown and bubbling. It may look a little overcooked but I'd call this perfection.

The slice of ham carried a great flavour and there was plenty of well spiced napoli - If you pushed me to find a criticism I would say that the napoli was a little thick and "tomato-pastey" but  overall this was a fantastic, juicy, flavourful and quality example of a chicken parma.

There is a photo on Honey's Urbanspoon page showing this parma with a pot of what looks like garlic aioli on the side. Ours didn't come with this, which was a damn shame as if it had I'd say these chips would have been perfect. Beer battered, well seasoned, perfectly cooked. The chips on the Honey parma are a prime example of what chips should be. I ached for some aioli, but they stand up perfectly well on their own - a fine accompaniment to the meal.

The salad with Honey's parma is where things fall over. A basic garden salad of lettuce, onion, cucumber, tomato and a squirt of dressing on top. The dressing was okay, but the problems arose on the second bite, as all the dressing was now gone we were left with a plate of un-dressed leaves. The first two elements of this dish were absolutely fantastic - But there's no way to sugar coat it - compared to the rest of the dish the salad was a massive let down.

Coming in at $20 even I'd be more than happy to have this parma again. I'd go out of my way to have this parma again. There is a $12 Tuesday parma night that would definitely be worth checking out if they offered up a bird of the same quality as the one we had last night - Which I have to assume they do, if the amazing 2-for-1 cocktails are any indication.

As the great Bart Simpson once said, "You don't win friends with salad" - If you can overlook the mediocre greens on the plate then this is definitely a parma you should track down. I'll be back for this parma and I have no qualms in recommending it to others.

If Honey's parma is a sign of what Clarendon St. has to offer then we are in for some great meals in the future.

Pros

• Thick, plump schnitzel

• Great quality chips

Cons

• Slightly overcooked

• Lacklustre salad

Parma - 8.53

Chips - 8.00

Salad - 4.90

Value - 7.79

Total - 7.55

The search continues...

Attempt #169 - 'The British Crown Hotel'

[info]When? - 30th of January, 2014

Where? - 14-18 Smith St, Collingwood

Price? - $9.90

Website? - http://www.britishcrown.com.au/

Reviewers –  Grace, Lee, Nikki,  Tony [/info]

*EDIT* JUST RECEIVED REPORTS THAT THE BRITISH CROWN HAS CLOSED FOR BUSINESS, THIS PARMA IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE (A SHAME, AS THIS WAS A PRETTY DECENT BIRD FOR THE PRICE).

I don't like reviewing parma nights. Don't get me wrong, there are some fantastic parma nights out there, and if you can find one you like hold on to it with all you've got - but the actual act of reviewing a parma night gives me heartburn. With a parma night you can never tell if what you are getting is the real thing or if they are just getting rid of that week's parma-dregs, and I will unfairly review a place based on sub-par parma night parma. The same goes for parmas that have a parma night on a night other than Thursdays, Sure I will mention that they do a deal on a specific night in a review, but I will very rarely put a recommendation behind it unless I have sampled the parma night version specifically.

Which puts me in a bit of a pickle, as these days in Melbourne its hard to find a parma that is value for money unless I hunt it down on a particular night (shoutout to our friends The Happiest Hour for making this all the easier), and Thursday parma nights in particular are as rare as hens teeth.

So early this week I had a hankering. A hankering for a cheap parma that was also quality. It's a sad state of affairs in our fine city when I now consider any parma under $20.00 to be "cheap", but I do. The hunt was on, and the hunt led me to The British Crown Hotel. Nestled away at the top end of Smith St. in Collingwood this joint (on paper, at least) ticked every box. So we loaded up the parma bus and headed out to find my elusive white whale - a cheap, good quality parma.

From the menu online this place looked good. $9.90 parmas all day every day (as well as steaks, $9.90 porterhouse steaks). Not to mention a lengthy menu of $3 pizzas. I'll say that again, Three dollar pizzas. They have a range of food special nights as well, if three buck pizzas didn't already get your taste buds aroused.

I walked in the door and was instantly surprised. To be honest I was expecting a bit of a dive bar, but The British Crown proved me wrong. This place was cosy, clean, an abundance of seating options, a pool table and a ton of TV's - including a big screen projecting ESPN onto the wall. Everything was spotless, looking brand new - I think it's a safe bet that they recently underwent some redecorating and the joint has come up a treat.

We walked through the pub and out the back to the spacious beer garden and pulled up a pew. I was famished by this point and (partly from hunger and partly from curiosity at what a $3 pizza would look like) we started our meal with the garlic and herb pizza, as well as placed the order for our parmas.

The food came out in a flash. Ten minutes - fifteen tops and our four parmas plus pizza were on the table.

We went basic for the pizza as we didn't want to ruin our appetite for the main event. Part of me really wanted to try the other options available (seriously, look at this menu and tell me your mouth isn't watering)

The pizza was solid! Better than some garlic pizza pregames that we have had in the past and at more than half the price. But our parmas were getting cold, so on to the main event.

For $9.90 I wasn't expecting miracles. Hell I wouldn't have been surprised if the schnitzel was a piece of crumbed kitchen sponge. Which is why I think I was so surprised at the quality of the British Crowns schnitzel. Yes it was a bit small, but it was real chicken breast, not a piece of sponge in sight (check out the cross section below if you don't believe me).

The crumbing was a little odd, looking more like a piece of KFC than a chicken schnitzel, but it was well spiced and carried a decent flavour on its own. Good crumb thickness, not overly done at all. The schnitzel was a little dry, but one thought kept running through my mind "This is under ten bucks!"

The toppings were a little sparse, but also solid. The napoli carried a decent flavour (not as "rich" as the menu pointed out, but still pretty good),  the cheese was fine and the slice of ham was appreciated - as was the sprinkling of herbs and sprig of parsely. They were trying, clearly with limited resources they were doing their darndest to get a quality meal out the door - and you've got to give them points for that.

Things were pretty sparse on the sides front. The chips were okay. There weren't a heap of them and they weren't seasoned at all - but they were cooked well, and you've gotta love the sauce pot on the plate, the sauce pot really brought these chips back from the brink.

The story with the garden salad was pretty much the same as the chips - not a lot of it, but what was there was fresh and tasty, and the separate salad bowl is always appreciated. It was well dressed with balsamic, but I think we may have been at the end of the dressing bottle as it was quite oily.

The parma wasn't massive, but for under $10 I wasn't expecting it to be. Hell if you are still hungry when you finish this one order a $3 pizza or even another parma, you'd still come out under the $20 mark. We've had parmas worse than the one at the British Crown for over twice the price, and that is no exaggeration. We judge value as "Would I be happy to come back and pay what I did again for the same meal" and I definitely would, without a doubt.

The British Crown impressed me on a lot of fronts. This would be the perfect pub to rock up to on a weekend afternoon, watch the footy on the big screen while grazing on cheap pizzas and top it off with a parma in the evening. If you pop in on Monday or Friday there are even some novelty toppings available to be thrown on for the same price. Sure it wasn't a perfect parma, but for what they are charging they're doing wonders. I'll definitely be back for another $9.90 parma, quite possibly a pizza or two - and I recommend you check it out as well.

[pros]

• It costs $9.90 and its real chicken
• Sauce pot for the chips, salad bowl for the salad
• It costs $9 friggin .90 and its real chicken! Not to mention $3 pizzas!

[/pros][cons]

• Quite small
• Not a lot of sides
• Chicken was a bit dry

[/cons]

Parma - 6.74

Chips - 6.36

Salad - 4.62

Value - 9.25

Total - 6.74

The search continues...

Attempt #168 - 'Squid Inc.'

 

[info]When? - 23rd of January, 2014

Where? - 328A Keilor Rd, Niddrie

Price? - $20.90

Website? - Squid Inc. Facebook page

Reviewers –  Cale, Grace, Lee, Nikki, Shanan, Stefo, Tony [/info]

** NOTE - This pub has closed! Parma no longer available - Review will stay up for posterity. Enjoy!

Last week, when we visited Melbourne Public, I had promised the guys that they had great looking oysters on the menu (I had come across some photos in my pre-review research), but their hopes were dashed when we arrived, realising that the good looking oysters were only served at Melbourne Public on Friday nights.

In an effort to make it up to those I had promised seafood, I picked Squid Inc. as the location of this weeks attempt. Quite the anomaly, its a seafood restaurant that I had heard on the parma-vine also served up a decent bird. I live just off Keilor Rd, a literal 60 second drive from Squid Inc. yet I had never paid them a visit. So we loaded up the Parma Bus and headed down the street to Squid Inc. (Great name by the way, gotta love a pun-based business name! I giggled for a while when the sign first went up)

It was a lovely evening in the Keilor Road cafe district, so we opted to sit outside. Great atmosphere out here, quite relaxing to kick back with a beer and watch the world go by.

Picked up the menu and spied our target and placed the order.

I'm not a seafood guy. If I do have flake from a fish & chip shop I cover it in tomato sauce and you would have to pay me to eat octopus. But when the pregame of oysters kilpatrick hit the table I've got to say I was tempted to have one...

Look at all that bacon! By far the most bacon-loaded kilpatrick I have ever seen, and (although I didn't have any) reports came back positively.

There was a bit of a wait for our mains, about 40 minutes, but considering we had entree's and a seafood restaurant probably doesn't often get a bulk order of seven parmas simultaneously I'm willing to cut them some slack there.

Just as my hunger reached its peak our meals arrived...

First impressions were good! Lovely presentation, the dusting of freshly grated parmesan over the entire dish was a presentation technique we had never seen on a parma before. I quickly rescued the chips from under the parma and tucked in.

First up is the schnitzel quality, this was the biggest (and probably only) complaint about the dish. The schnitzel itself, while being real, unprocessed chicken, was a bit thin. It fluctuated throughout, but fluctuations between "medium thickness" and "pretty thin" are nothing to write home about.

Okay. Bad bit out of the way, everything else was pretty damn good! The napoli was definitely the star of the dish. It was clearly home made, carried a fantastic flavour, was perfectly spiced, fresh and chunky! It reminded me a lot of the napoli from the parma at The Plough, which I still consider one of the better napoli's we have had.

The mix of mozzarella and parmesan cheese was also great, normally lost in a cheese mix, the flavour of the parmesan really shone through with each bite.

In last week's review of Melbourne Public I said that we don't deduct points due to lack of ham if the taste of the parma stands up on its own without it. The parma at Squid Inc. is a perfect example of a parma that didn't have ham, but more importantly didn't need ham. Between the flavourful napoli and tasty cheese mix it stood up perfectly on its own.

The chips were solid. Underneath the parma was a big serve of well cooked pub chips. Crunchy on the outside and fluffy in the middle. Nothing spectacular to report but they served their purpose just as a good chip should

The greek salad was surprisingly tasty! They didn't skimp on the expensive ingredients (the feta and the olives), it was nice to see a salad that wasn't just a boring garden salad for once. It complimented the rest of the dish very well.

For $20.90 I'm pretty happy with this parma, yes the chicken could have been thicker but overall I walked away satisfied. If you were in Keilor Road and had a hankering for a good parma I'd definitely recommend it, especially if you're a non  seafoodie like myself and are looking for a good option while you're friends are tucking into their oysters, squid and other ickies.

The Squid Inc. parma has all the elements of a great bird, but they're let down in one key area - the thickness of the schnitzel itself. A little bit plumper and this would have blown me away. That being said it was still an extremely tasty dish. We've had quite a few parmas on Keilor Rd over the years (here, here, here, here, here, here and here ... phew) and Squid Inc.'s is the best we have found so far. Worth checking out if you're in the area.

[pros]

• Great napoli & cheese mix
• Greek salad didn't skimp on the feta & olives

[/pros][cons]

• Thin schnitzel

[/cons]

Parma - 6.86

Chips - 6.64

Salad - 7.29

Value - 6.57

Total - 6.84

The search continues...

Attempt #167 - 'Melbourne Public'

[info]When? - 17th of January, 2014

Where? - 11 Dukes Walk, South Wharf

Price? - $21.50

Website? - http://www.melbournepublic.com.au/

Reviewers – Dale, Fridge, Janet, Kylie, Lee, Nikki, Stefo, Tony [/info]

In my mind Melbourne Public is a brand new spot. Pretty much everywhere down in the docklands my mind considers "new" even though it has been there for quite a few years now.

South Wharf is an area I don't get to often, Yet tucked away behind the Exhibition Center a surprising array of cafes, restaurants and pubs have popped up - one of which is Melbourne Public.

The pub looks fantastic. Light filled, spacious and fantastically decked out - its a shame there is another building in front of the massive glass windows, otherwise they would have a fantastic view of the bay ... SO close.

We arrived at Melbourne Public at the height of the January 2014 heat wave. Pure relief washed over me as I opened the door and felt the cool breeze of aircon hit me. We made our way to the bar and ordered a couple of pints while the rest of the group arrived. The Melbourne Public website currently has a printable coupon available if you sign up to their mailing list that gets you a buy one-get one free drink. We came prepared and collected our free beverages - definitely recommended.

Once everyone arrived we migrated from the front bar to the skinny (but still beautifully decked out) dining area down the back. Spied the parma on the menu...

And placed our orders.

I boasted last week that I was one-for-one in remembering to set the stop watch in 2014. Well. Now I'm one for two, as it completely slipped my mind till about ten minutes after we ordered, so I don't have a stopwatch-screenshot this week. Although if memory serves it was about a half an hour wait for 8 parmas. Not bad at all.

Points for presentation! This parma looked very impressive on the plate with all the elements separated for maximum freshness.

Without delay I ditched the bay basil leaf, picked up the cutlery and tucked in.

The schnitzel was quite thick, juicy and of decent quality, but the crumbs were very soggy and had zero crunch. There was no ham, the napoli needed some spices and just came across as bland. Great cheese coverage and plenty of it - they had used a cheese mix very heavy on tasty cheese, so it packed quite a wallop, good if you like tasty cheese, bad if you don't, as (coupled with the weak napoli and lack of ham) the flavour of the cheese pretty much dominated the entire dish.

We don't normally deduct points for the lack of ham on a parma if it stands up on its own without it. But I can't help but think a slice of smoked ham would have done this dish wonders. The ham would break up the onslaught of cheese, as well as bring out some of the flavours in the napoli. We can dream...

The chips were the absolute star of this dish. I've seen the mini deep fryer basket on so many instagram food photos, yet this is the first time we've ever found a pub that does it! Beer battered and seasoned to perfection with the perfect crunch on the outside and pillowy soft in the middle. I was full, but still at them as I didn't want them to go to waste. A pot of aioli or tomato sauce would have brought these chips up to perfection

Rather than a boring garden salad the Melbourne Public parma was accompanied by a side of freshly made coleslaw. I enjoyed it, it wasn't as overflowing with mayo as some coleslaws can be. It was a light, summery accompaniment to the meal that I enjoyed greatly.

For $21.50 I was relatively happy with what we received. The two-for-one drink voucher definitely helped the value score, and remember that if you parked in the DFO car park to validate your parking at the bar, as it brought our carpark fee down from $8 to $4

Melbourne Public is a great looking pub with a good vibe in a pretty neat location. The parma had great sides but was let down by a lacklustre main event. With a few tweaks this parma could be one of the greats, and is definitely worth giving a go in its current state if you're in the area - Although I wouldn't go too far out of my way for this one.

[pros]

• Fantastic chips
• Fresh coleslaw
• Quality chicken breast

[/pros][cons]

• Soggy crumbs
• Overpowering Cheese
• Bland napoli
• Needs ham

[/cons]

Parma - 6.19

Chips - 8.00

Salad - 6.00

Value - 6.25

Total - 6.53

The search continues...