Where? - 161 Mickleham Rd. Tullamarine
Price? - $21.90
Reviewers – Lee & Nikki
I'm struggling on how to start this review. You guys know about Lazy Moe's, right? It's the restaurant chain that nobody seems to particularly like, yet everyone seems to end up going to at some point in their lives - Mostly because its open plan spaces, big menu and family friendly vibe make it a great, inoffensive choice for family gatherings.
Everyone seems to have a Lazy Moe's story ... And very few of them are positive. The Zomato page for Moe's is a list of horror stories that reads like an episode guide for Kitchen Nightmares. Yet day after day they are constantly busy. We have been suggested their parma a few times, mostly with the caveat of "It's not great, but its huge" but have avoided it for years, purely based on the reputation of the restaurant.
Well avoid no longer as last week we found ourselves at a function at Lazy Moe's, and, as most of the people around the table decided on a parma, an impromptu review was born.
The Tullamarine Lazy Moe's has the unmistakable structure of an ex-Pizza Hut location. In fact my childhood was filled with trips to the Tullamarine Pizza Hut, cringing in a corner booth while Mum tried to argue that even though I look Thirteen I am, in fact, under 8 and therefore should only pay kids menu prices.
Gone are the all-you-can-eat pizza stations and dessert bar and in its place is an open plan, spacious restaurant with an outdoor seating area circling the building should you feel so inclined.
We arrived and took our seats and checked the menu, where we were greeted with our first taste of Lazy Moe's schtick...
This spiel is printed on every menu, duplicated on the walls and there are more little "tips" littered throughout all the other menus.
I can see what they're going for. A bit of a fun, wacky "we're having a good time" ribbing at the customers expense, but in my opinion it fails at every attempt and just comes off as rude, belligerent and borderline racist.
There is a bubble in the pancake menu that states "If you're offended by the menu try and see the lighter side of things, we're just having a bit of fun, what would life be without a but of humour" - and that would be fine if there was any semblance of humour in what was plastered throughout the menu and not just thinly veiled threats and excuses for poor service. It's like a schoolyard bully who yells "It was just a prank bro!" when called out on being an asshole.
Okay. Moving past the attitude, on to the menu itself. It's freaking huge. Main meals alone is an A3 sheet with more than one hundred options, ranging from breakfast to burgers to risotto to noodles to Indian to pasta and more. And thats not even mentioning the entire menu dedicated to different varieties of pancakes.
After a bit of searching we found the parma -
and placed our orders.
I was honestly surprised to find some decent beers on the beer list. I would have put money that Moe's would offer the very basics in terms of a beer list, so when I saw cans of Mountain Goat Summer Ale available I jumped on them without hesitation.
About 25 minutes after ordering (there were a few of us) our meals started arriving from the kitchen.
As expected, the schnitzel was huge. A behemoth bird that engulfed most of the massive plate on which it sat. We picked up out cutlery, tucked in, and I was honestly surprised to find real chicken breast underneath. From the horror stories I had heard I was honestly expecting a giant chicken nugget, but it was definitely pure chicken breast.
That doesn't mean it was great pure chicken breast, it was a little dry, slightly grey at points and there was a little bit of gristle throughout that was a bit of a turn-off, but overall it was edible. It could have been served hotter, but there were a lot of us so it's understandable if it spent a little time under the heat lamps.
The toppings were okay, but lacked any real punch. We've got a term for the Lazy Moe's parma that I haven't used in a while - Big Parma Syndrome. The cheese was plentiful and well cooked, the napoli was also applied liberally - But they were both quite bland, flavourless, and although the parma was massive, it got boring very quickly. A slice of smoked ham would have really helped the Lazy Moe's parma along.
The chips were well cooked, but like the parma they were bland and unseasoned. A decent serve for sure, but nothing impressive. A side of gravy would serve them well.
The seperate bowl for the salad is always appreciated. The salad was piled high with fresh, crisp ingredients, however it was completely devoid of any salad dressing making it a bit of a slog to get through - Although that could be attributed to personal preference as I'm not a big fan of alfalfa sprouts, of which this salad contained a lot.
For $21.90 you're not walking out of Lazy Moe's hungry, thats for sure. If you're after a massive meal for a reasonable price and flavour isn't a high priority then a visit to Moe's wouldn't be the worst choice you could make - Although I won't be rushing back any time soon.
Now I know the menu specifically states that my opinion is not wanted, but I'm giving it anyway. The parma at Lazy Moe's was fine ... Nothing amazing, but definitely not as bad as I was expecting going in. To be honest the worst taste left in my mouth from the entire meal was the obnoxious notes on the menu (The service on the day was actually fine) - As funny as Lazy Moe's thinks they are they need to ditch them.
Note - This review is for the Tullamarine Lazy Moe's location and does not speak for the other Lazy Moe's locations around the state. They might be better, they might be worse... If you try one be sure to let me know your thoughts!