Attempt #15 - 'The Keilor Hotel'



When? - 21st of July, 2010

Where? - The Keilor Hotel, 670 Old Calder Hwy, Keilor.

Price? - $21.50

Barry? - No

Website? -

Reviewers - Adam, Brendan, Cale, Emma, Fridge, Lee, Ness, Shanan, Stefo, Tanya[/info]

The parma daze crew were itching to get their hands on a parma this week, having taken last week off while the ‘special attempt’ was posted meant a week without the amazing, incredible even holy creation known as the Chicken Parmigiana. We were back with a vengeance this week as we headed out to the western suburbs, our sights set on The Keilor Hotel.

The Keilor hotel is huge, what looks like multiple buildings from the street is in fact one massive establisment complete with bistro, pub, pokies room, outdoor marquee, drive through bottle shop and even a fake street inside complete with old timey shop fronts and museum like history of the keilor pub & surrounding area. All these spots are joined by a series of winding corridors and street signs directing you where to go - it would be easy to get lost if this was your first visit to the Keilor hotel, so be sure to bring a map and maybe some supplies if you have to make base camp before heading to the bistro.

With a little luck though, you’ll find your way in the bluestone walls of the ‘Galway Arms Bistro’, a spacious room with plenty of seating, open fireplaces and a ‘kids room’ containing all the best arcade games of the early-nineties.

We took our seats and were brought a stack of very thick menus, there is a great selection of dishes here for those who aren’t parma-inclined, as well as a respectable wine list, you wont be blown away by the beer selection but all the basics are there.

We ordered our parmigianas and ventured next door to the ‘Kids Room’ to see what arcade games were on offer, I took down a listing as follows -

  • Viper Phase 1
  • Puzzle Bobble
  • Metal Slug (Broken - power off)
  • Fish Tales pinball
  • Daytona
  • A claw/plush toy machine with very little grip
  • A ‘stacker’ prize machine
  • Point Blank (one gun broken, the other badly damaged)

A big enough selection to keep us entertained till our parma’s arrived, as well as a sus teenager who sat in the games room for at least an hour, but didn’t actually play, just sat and stared.

Eternal classic Daytona USA kept us busy till we got our meal - but still set at $2 a game? for a game 17 years old its sure keeping a high profit margin.

There was plenty of other entertainment available, lots of pokies over the other side of the complex. The pub seemed to (at one point) be home to a Barry machine, however it seems it has been taken out rather recently as there were Barry posters on the wall yet no Barry machine to be found. The kids room was an acceptible substitute however, and it wasnt long till our parmas arrived.

The size of the parmas was pretty much the same across all plates and it was stacked high on a respectable pile of chips. The schnitzel was well sized, with a good thickness to the chicken in some parts but dangerously thin in others. Unfortunately the crumbs tasted rather processed and fell away from the chicken breast as it was cut, the Napoli sauce was watery and they used a little too much. There was plenty of cheese (again, bordering on too much) but to me it was rather tasteless and rubbery. A slice of ham could be found underneath the napoli but I wouldn’t have known it was there if I didn’t make the effort of looking for it, totally tasteless. For a parma that looked darn good on arrival it was a let down where it matters, in the taste deparment.

There was a decent pile of chips stacked up underneath the parma, while they were in abundance they were only luke-warm and totally unseasoned, there were salt shakers on the table however which were their saving grace.

The salad was served in a seperate bowl beside the parma (a nice presentation touch) a standard garden salad with lettuce, rocket, cucumber, onions & tomato served with a spicy cream dressing, probably the best part of the dish.

This is your standard pub style parma, but without any flair or effort it comes off as a totally forgettable experience, unfortunately at the rather high price of $21.50 its an expensive meal for what you are getting. The venue itself provides a great night out with something to keep everyone busy - kids, adults even immature twenty-somethings who take their beers into the ‘kids room’. Even the inexplicable indoor ‘fake town’ kept us entertained for a few minutes. It’s a real shame the parma was a let down.

tiny town exists!

Parma - 4.5
Chips - 4.1
Salad - 5.4
Value - 4.1
Total - 4.52

The search continues …

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